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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past, and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

#families #people #trend
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In the new era, the closeness between family members tends to decrease and is gradually becoming a natural something in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
This
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 essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors, merits, and demerits of
this
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 tendency before concluding that the demerits are weightier. There are two reasons why fewer people gather regularly their families nowadays.
First,
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accompanying technological development, the gap between individuals or generations is significantly increasing. Just need a smartphone, and connecting with family members becomes easier through Chatting
, Calling
Correct your spelling
and calling
 applications,
such
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 as Zalo, Viber, and Video Calls,
instead
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 of catching a long-distance bus to come back to their hometown, and visit their parents and relatives as they did in the past.
Therefore
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, the proliferation of technological gadgets could be advantageous to individuals to a certain extent, on the one hand.
Additionally
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, the expensive cost of trips to visit their parents and relatives is
also
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 a considerable issue when they are burdened with a financial burden.
On the other hand
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, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that
this
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 trend could be disadvantageous to individuals.
First,
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the frequent absence of each family member unintentionally creates an invisible barrier in their own home, and it grows steadily over time. The development of technology, including smart devices, anyway, is quite difficult to replace the traditional way that people meet face to face, talk and have dinner together in their own homes. At
this
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 moment, the connection really makes sense.
Furthermore
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, the family tradition will gradually be lost to the next generations, including their children and offspring, because their parents do not respect
this
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 tradition.
Consequently
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, the kids will not know what their roots are,
what
Correct word choice
and what
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 family traditions are, and they're like a robot integrated with artificial intelligence. In conclusion,
while
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 it is irrefutable that a steady decrease in the gathering of family members could have some upsides, I would contend that the downsides it offers are significantly more noted.
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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more focused and concise. The main points are not fully developed.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic comprehensively and provides relevant examples. However, the main points need further development, and the response could be more focused.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Social media
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Geographical mobility
  • Generational differences
  • Individual independence
  • Personal growth
  • Mental health
  • Well-being
  • Family bonds
  • Cultural traditions
  • Familial support systems
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