IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children’s #sports #second #children #three #britain #time #period
The line graphs provide information about the amount of funds spent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
’s
sports
 by British parents and
participation
Correct article usage
the participation
show examples
 of these
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 in three different
sports
 from 2008 to 2014.
Overall
, more money
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
’s
sports
 over the 6-year period.
According to
 the
participation
, the most dramatic change was seen in the figures for athletics. In 2008, British families spent 20
pounds
 on their
children
’s
sports
 on a monthly basis. The amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money sharply increased after 2008. It nearly reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
25
pounds
 per month in 2010 and in 2012 it was about 28
pounds
. By 2014,
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 monthly spend on
children
’s
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 had risen to approximately 33
pounds
. Looking
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
participation
, most of the British
children
 enrolled
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 football in 2008 and the amount was around 8
million
. In six years, the number of
children
participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
 in football increased a little and peaked
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 8.5
million
.
While
 swimming was the second
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
sports
 activity in Britain among
children
2008
Change preposition
in 2008
show examples
 with nearly 2.4
million
participation
Replace the word
participants
show examples
, athletics was less than approximately less than 1
million
. Swimming rose slightly and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 4.8
million
 in 2014. By 2014,
participation
 in athletics had risen to around 5
million
children
.
Submitted by aslanlijavidan on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words children’s, sports, participation, pounds, children, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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