IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Write about following topic: Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #people #children #time #school #work
Children's brain is growing and adapting way faster than adults. Their psychological needs are different from
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 older population.
Thus
, they should be given an opportunity to explore and enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creativity
instead
 of just following the regular coursework. In
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs, we will discuss the benefits of leisure hours and the importance of co-curricular activities First of all,
thesr
Correct your spelling
these
their
 kids already spend a bigger fraction of the day in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 and completing their homework and assignments.
Therefore
, putting more pressure on them by increasing school work will only harm them in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 run.
According to
 one study, children with
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 scores and positions in schools are more prone to develop mental illnesses in their adulthood.
Hence
, it can be extracted that more curricular pressure will not help them in the long run.
Secondly
, kids who are more creative and those who love sports are better problem solvers and know how to handle when they are not successful. These juveniles have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to stand by themselves.
According to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research, children who are more successful in sports, become more tolerant and have better interpersonal
related
Replace the word
relations
show examples
 as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to those who are bookworms. In
this
 way, it can be stated that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creativity and hobbies play a very positive role in building a strong and responsible individual.
Furthermore
, the same
extracurricular
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
show examples
 can be utilised by kids
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in future. In conclusion, I can say
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with full confidence that free time and hobbies are as important as traditional education. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we are moving forward to an era of artificial intelligence, our future generations need to be more creative and must have complex thought
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
 to deal with future endeavours.
This
 can only be achieved if we allow their minds to grow and nourish in a healthy manner and for
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they definitely need leisure hours and enjoy what they like.
Submitted by Maj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: