IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Some
people
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 argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional
cultures
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 will disappear because of the
development
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 of
technology
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. Those things are incompatible. I partly agree with
this
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 statement that traditional
cultures
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 will be less popular than in the past because
people
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 nowadays prefer
technology
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.
However
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,
the
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apply
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traditional
cultures
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 will not be lost and
also
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can
Verb problem
be
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develop
Wrong verb form
developed
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by
Change preposition
through
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technology
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. On the one hand, there are several reasons why
people
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 prefer
technology
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 rather than traditional
cultures
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.
Firstly
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,
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technology
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technological
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 devices bring more interest to
people
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 because of
its
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their
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 diversity. Nowadays,
technology
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 devices like smartphones or laptops have a
lot
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 of entertainment tools for
people
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such
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 as
Youtube
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YouTube
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, Facebook, Games online, etc.
Therefore
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,
people
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 have many choices to entertain
although
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 they still stay at home. The second reason is that technological advancement
also
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 becomes more convenient for
people
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.
For instance
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,
instead
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 of
coming
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going
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 to the art gallery,
people
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 can find a
lot
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 of types of pictures and
art works
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artworks
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 through their smartphones and enjoy them from long
distance
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distances
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, even overseas.
On the other hand
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,
the
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apply
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traditional
cultures
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 can not disappear
because of
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for
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 some reasons.
Firstly
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, traditional
cultures
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 are
also
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 the national identity that each
people
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 need to preserve.
People
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 need to realise that traditional
cultures
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also
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 play a part in the country's
development
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.
Secondly
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, there are a
lot
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 of festivals that are organised by the government every year. They include a
lot
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 of traditional
cultures
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 that passed down from the older to the newer generations and those
cultures
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 will forever be kept.
In addition
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,
technology
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development
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 can
also
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 help to improve the traditional
cultures
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.
For example
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, TV shows that contain traditional
cultures
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 can introduce those
cultures
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 to more
people
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. Traditional festivals can combine with
technology
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 in ticket and marketing aspects,
such
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 as online tickets, etc. In conclusion,
while
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people
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 nowadays prefer
technology
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 because of its
development
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, traditional
cultures
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 will exist and be preserved forever.

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relevant specific examples
Enhance the depth of your arguments by including more comprehensive examples or explanations. For instance, when stating that technology and traditional culture can be compatible, you might include specific examples of where this has already occurred.
complete response
Strengthen the task response by making sure every point directly relates back to the question about the inevitability of the loss of traditional cultures.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay presents a clear position on the topic, with a thoughtful examination of both sides of the argument, which demonstrates balanced thinking.
logical structure
There is a logical flow to the essay, with clear connections between paragraphs and a coherent structure.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are both present, effectively setting up the argument and summarizing the main points respectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable
  • traditional cultures
  • technological development
  • modern society
  • incompatible
  • decline
  • traditional crafts
  • rituals
  • digital communication
  • preserve
  • promote
  • documentation
  • online archives
  • virtual museums
  • social media
  • coexist
  • integrates
  • digital storytelling
  • augmented reality
  • cultural tourism
  • perspective
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