IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

It is sometimes argued that technological advancements may ultimately contribute to the decline of traditional cultures, given their perceived incompatibility.
While
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 I agree that modern devices and online entertainment can diminish people’s engagement in cultural activities, I believe that
technology
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 can
also
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 play an important role in preserving and promoting traditions. On the one hand,
technology
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 can harm culture
due to
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 its pervasive influence. The reason for
this
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 is that with the advancement of
technology
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, more
individuals
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 will opt to
utilize
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utilise
show examples
 it and may prefer not to visit physical historical sites.
For example
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,
individuals
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 may increasingly rely on the Internet rather than visiting historical monuments, as they believe online videos on social media platforms offer a clearer view.
Furthermore
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, during special occasions
such
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 as Tet, records indicate that many young people
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
 playing video games with friends or relatives, neglecting traditional Tet customs like family gatherings or cultural event attendance.
On the other hand
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, with the advancement of
technology
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, modern devices can significantly facilitate cultural expression.
This
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 is because it can create more opportunities in the visual field and recreate historical events through VR or 3D experiences.
For example
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, at the Hue Imperial Citadel, visitors can experience a VR tour that recreates buildings that collapsed many years ago.
Furthermore
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, they can simulate being inhabitants of that era, exploring buildings, observing the surrounding views, and comparing them with the present day.
This
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 can greatly assist citizens who cannot afford to attend or who live too far from their place of residence.
In addition
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, young people often
utilize
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utilise
show examples
 popular applications
such
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 as TikTok, Facebook, and YouTube to promote traditional culture,
such
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 as wearing traditional clothing and dancing to national songs, or to record attractions and scenic views to showcase the beauty and grandeur of the country to a wider audience.
This
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 can enable more
individuals
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 to learn about the country, fostering a desire to experience its environment and deepen their understanding of its cultures and inhabitants. In conclusion,
while
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technology
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 may lead
individuals
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, particularly young people, to overlook certain traditions, it
also
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 serves as a potent instrument for preserving and disseminating cultural values.
Therefore
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, I partly agree with the view, as the influence of
technology
Use synonyms
 on culture is contingent upon individual choices regarding its application.

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improvement
The idea is clear, but the ideas could be more well built. Add a short plan in the intro and finish with a strong view that ties to the plan.
improvement
Work on linking ideas. Each paragraph should have one main idea with one clear example, then a small link to the next idea.
improvement
Check small grammar errors and keep sentences short. Some long lines can make reading slow.
strength
Clear stance that mixes both sides and shows a balanced view.
strength
Good use of real places and tech as examples, like Tet and VR tours.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable
  • traditional cultures
  • technological development
  • modern society
  • incompatible
  • decline
  • traditional crafts
  • rituals
  • digital communication
  • preserve
  • promote
  • documentation
  • online archives
  • virtual museums
  • social media
  • coexist
  • integrates
  • digital storytelling
  • augmented reality
  • cultural tourism
  • perspective
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