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Band 5

Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#feel #governments #prioritize #healthcare #areas
It is true that
health
 has become a top
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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priority
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society. Some people come with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 notion that higher officials should give more preference to healthcare
instead
 of other essential areas. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 statement;
however
, I do believe that other sectors
such
 as
education
 and agriculture should
also
 be equally
prioritize
Wrong verb form
prioritised
show examples
. To commence with, in
this
 current day and age, good
health
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a blessing since it is a daunting task to stay fit and active. The basic reason behind
that is
 adulterated food and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle;
therefore
,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 feel to appeal
from
Change preposition
to
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 government authorities for better
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
 facilities. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, it is observed through recent surveys that Australian residents are more healthy in comparison with Indian dwellers as their council is working on
betterment
Add an article
the betterment
show examples
 of
health
 centres.
On the other hand
, there are some other imperative fields where
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 have to focus
such
 as
education
.
Education
 helps individuals to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 all their dreams whether it is housing,
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 or materialistic things.
Hence
,
education
 plays a significant role in the life of a person because it promotes progress and security. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, it is always seen that
the
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apply
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educated countries like America
progresses
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progress
show examples
 well than
the
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apply
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countries where
less
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fewer
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 people are educated
such
 as
Afganistan
Correct your spelling
Afghanistan
.
Moreover
,
government
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the government
show examples
 should focus on
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
 sector since it provides food to every
sections
Change to a singular noun
section
show examples
 of society. So, it is
cruciual
Correct your spelling
crucial
 to keep a check on
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
 which is being served in the nations. In conclusion, it is imperative for higher officials to concentrate on
health
 sectors;
nevertherless
Correct your spelling
nevertheless
, focus on other important departments
such
 as
education
 and agriculture should be concerned.
Submitted by manjotkaur540 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health infrastructure
  • social determinants of health
  • fiscal allocation
  • government expenditure
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • life expectancy
  • pandemic preparedness
  • health equity
  • social safety net
  • holistic approach
  • non-communicable diseases
  • cross-sector collaboration
  • socioeconomic status
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