IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It’s important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives, and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks out with the disadvantages?

#it’s #people #risks #lives
The importance of taking
risks
, whether in personal or professional lives, was always debatable which now has become more controversial with many favours
whereas
 others quibble about it. The below essay will discuss the pros and cons of taking
risks
 and
further
 conclude how its positives outweigh the negatives. On the one hand, risk-takers believe that it makes their life exciting and adventurous no matter if it is private or career-related.
Moreover
, people become more courageous
while
 making daring decisions.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, it enables a sense of satisfaction and achievement in an individual, when a risky decision turns favourable. Categorically discussing, people with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong mind and good
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
decision-making take calculative
risks
 which
consequently
 favours them in most cases and
thus
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them to retake the
risks
.
For instance
, if a person tries an adventurous activity like skydiving or paragliding, he outgrows their fear of
height
Fix the agreement mistake
heights
show examples
 and
such
acheivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
 eventually encourages him to try other risky activities.
On the other hand
, the disadvantages of
this
 approach cannot be overlooked either.
Sometime
Replace the word
Sometimes
show examples
 poor decision results
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
failures
Fix the agreement mistake
failure
show examples
 and a person
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 demotivated and loses self-esteem.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 risk might backfire which
consequently
, inculcate the feeling of insecurity and
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of confidence and at worst might lead to cause of death. To exemplify, a light-hearted person
if
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 dares to do any thrilling activity,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might cost his life. Henceforth, it is concluded that not all
risks
 are worth taking. To recapitulate, the advantages of taking
risks
 which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 an
excited
Replace the word
exciting
show examples
 and thrilling lifestyle, are great indeed.
However
, the disadvantages might result
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of confidence and self-esteem, at worse might become a cause of death and these cons are too dire to ignore.
Submitted by ssansar623 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: