Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us all want to do the same and look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the development of social media has brought us convenience in life, but

besides

that, It makes some individuals' behaviours look the same as each other when they watch advertising. I understand why they become like that and I can only partly agree with the assertion. I believe each

people

Fix the agreement mistake

person

show examples

is a special individual.

This

essay will explain more about the above problem. On the one hand, advertising has brought watchers about positive

information

but not the truth.

This

thing makes some

people

misunderstand a product which leads to changes in their consumer behaviour and makes their behaviour the same. Take an example of fact. Some models have nice bodies and they are representative of weight loss drugs. Some

people

believe that using weight loss drugs will

have

Verb problem

make

show examples

a good body as beautiful as models but no. They have bought these products in a mass way, but they don't understand about functions of the product.

On the other hand

, advertisements have given truthful pieces of

information

and bring some benefits for viewers

Rephrase

apply

show examples

also

. Some

so many

Rephrase

apply

show examples

people

have enough knowledge to appreciate or research pieces of

information

before they buy those products.

For example

, some Gym centres have advertised beautiful bodies by

practice

Wrong verb form

practising

show examples

haldly

Correct your spelling

hardly

Therefore

, a lot of

people

researched

Replace the word

research

show examples

signed

Wrong verb form

sign

show examples

up, and practice hard

then

they have beautiful bodies that they are looking forward to. In conclusion, everything depends on the awareness of each individual. We should have the right choices when we

received

Wrong verb form

receive

show examples

information

from advertising.

Besides

that, the government should be bringing some rules, and disciplines forced when someone updates wrong advertising and have content moderation before

show

Wrong verb form

showing

show examples

of population.

Submitted by phucwhite1991 on Wed Jul 12 2023

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task response

The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and thorough analysis. The examples provided could be more relevant and specific to the arguments. The essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides of the argument.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay lacks a clear organizational structure. The ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, and the essay would benefit from stronger topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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