IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think sending criminals to prison is an effective way to deal with them. Others think education and training are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #criminals #prison #education
Some individuals believe sending
offenders
 to jail is an efficient method to cope with them. Others feel
education
 and training are best. I totally
agree
Add the particle
toagree
show examples
 provide
education
 and training for
criminals
 are
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
 way to deal
them
Change preposition
with them
show examples
instead
 of putting them behind bars.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons why I believe
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
show examples
education
 and training for
offenders
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 better than
prison
Add an article
a prison
show examples
 sentence.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most imprisonment
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
show examples
 to punish
criminals
 rather provide
education
 and vocational training , which means when the
criminals
 release they can face difficulties to find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
opprtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
.
This
 is because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies require from applicants qualifications
as well as
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
Therefore
, the
criminals
 when they release can face poverty, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can motivate them
ro
Correct your spelling
to
reoffeding
Correct your spelling
reoffending
 in order to meet their family responsibilities.
Secondly
, providing better
education
 for
criminals
 is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 method to teach
criminals
 about
ethics
Replace the word
ethical
show examples
 values and right and wrong.
This
 is
due to
 the fact
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 most of
Correct article usage
the criminlas
show examples
criminlas
Correct your spelling
criminals
 have
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
 level of
education
.
Consequently
,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
education
 can minimize the rate of crime
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
socity
Correct your spelling
society
.
Finanlly
Correct your spelling
Finally
,
offer
Replace the word
offering
show examples
 training for
offenders
 is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 method to
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
criminals
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more likely to get
a better jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better job
better jobs
show examples
.
For example
, if the governments
offfer
Correct your spelling
offer
 vocational training for
offenders
 in , plumbing,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
electricity, which means
this
 training
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
criminals
 to have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 professional life and escape from
povery
Correct your spelling
poverty
.
Therefore
,
this
 training can demotivate
criminals
 to commit their
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
To sum up
, I strongly believe that
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
show examples
education
 and training are
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better than
send
Wrong verb form
sending
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison, because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criminals
commite
Correct your spelling
commit
commute
 their
due to
Correct article usage
a
show examples
lack of enough
education
, and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 training for them can lift them from poverty.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: