IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries focus on health care and education benefits while others on infrastructure and employment. Which do you think would be more beneficial for the population? Give specific details and examples to support your opinion.

Few nations prefer to invest in providing educational or health provisions, whilst some opine that a good structure of buildings and better job opportunities are more beneficial to bring prosperity. From my perspective, all four components play a fundamental role in the
overall
Linking Words
 development of the nation. To commence with, to make society literate and healthy, it is necessary for high authorities to invest in
such
Linking Words
 amenities.
Initially
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, the country is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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developed
,
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apply
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 only if
,
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apply
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 the next generations have the ability to bring new innovations into the world, so that
place
Correct article usage
the place
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could
Wrong verb form
can
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 pursue its prosperity with the smartness of youngsters.
Besides
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, inhabitants could hardly work or contribute to the economy of the area
,
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apply
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 if they do not have enough strength or
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are suffering from diseases.
For instance
Linking Words
, a locality
,
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apply
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 in which
,
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 the masses are not educated or have fragile bodies, that site has no right to say it is a growing or
progressed
Replace the word
progressive
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 community.
On the other hand
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, a well-developed infrastructure of buildings represents a great
economical
Correct word choice
economic
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 management and richness of the federal bodies. The masses staying in the slums or old houses would never be considered
happily
Replace the word
happy
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lived
Verb problem
apply
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families
,
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;
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consequently
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 an essential component to represent the wellness of the region.
For example
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, high
scrapers
Check wording
buildings
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 built in the suburbs of Dubai
,
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apply
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 leave no doubt in the mind of visitors about the progress
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 has
done
Verb problem
made
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 so far.
Moreover
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, dwellers could hardly afford to meet the basic requirements of families
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 if they do not have sources of income. In conclusion, all these factors are necessary for developing the nation, as these are correlated to improving the living standard of individuals. In my opinion, education is worthless
,
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apply
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 if a person cannot have a job. In fact, employment opportunities are useless to provide,
while
Linking Words
 inhabitants are facing health issues and
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 pursue them.
Also
Linking Words
, a better lifestyle is an urge that
let
Wrong verb form
lets
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 humans work hard, so there should be a good structure of houses, workplaces, or other public places.

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task response
State a clear view at the start and keep two or three strong reasons.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas go from one to next and keep one idea per paragraph.
grammar
Fix long and hard to read sentences. Use short, plain sentences when you can.
lexical
Use real and strong examples that fit the point you make.
stance
You try to show both sides and give your view.
examples
You use some example to show a point.
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