IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below show the percentage of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other language in addition to english, in 2000 and 2010.

The chart below show the percentage of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other language in addition to english, in 2000 and 2010.
#show #percentage #british #students #university #england #language #addition #english
The pie charts illustrate the percentages of British undergraduates in England who had command over other languages than English in 2000 and 2010. In general, what stands out from the graph is that
although
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 percentage of
students
 who were bilingual increased, French declined its proportion in popularity
instead
 of Spanish and other languages. At the same time, the percentage of trilingual
students
also
 climbed up
whereas
 monolingual
students
 went down in their figure.
To begin
 with,
while
two fifths
Add a hyphen
two-fifths
show examples
 of the
students
 in the university could speak only English in 2000, the percentage was halved
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ten years later.
On the other hand
, the figure for those who enjoyed more than three languages including English increased by 5% within the decade from 10% to 15%.
Turing
Correct your spelling
Turning
show examples
 to the breakdowns about bilingual
students
, the most popular second language was Spanish throughout the designated period. The popularity witnessed 5% growth from 30%
while
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
 experienced the same amount of drop.
However
,
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
 showed no difference in the percentages, standing at 10%. Meanwhile, we can
also
 see a 5% rise in the section
represented
Wrong verb form
representing
show examples
 those who can speak
Submitted by lisa_smile_2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: