In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes commited by young people in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

#years #rise #crimes #people #cities

Recently, the number of

crime

cases

commited

Correct your spelling

committed

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation in urban areas has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

increased.

This

essay will elaborate

the

Change preposition

on the

show examples

main factor behind

this

issue and offer some possible solutions to tackle the issue.

To begin

with, social

media

is the fundamental reason why

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime

cases in cities rise especially

Correct your spelling

show examples

commited

Correct your spelling

committed

by young

people

Change preposition

show examples

social

site

Fix the agreement mistake

sites

show examples

, younger

people

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

either celebrities or influencers. They

also

immitate

Correct your spelling

imitate

their idol’s

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

, fashion, and even

life

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

without filtering

wheather

Correct your spelling

whether

it is good or bad. Youngers think that it would be cool if they try to look the same as celebrities

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social

media

For example

, in the capital city

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show examples

Indonesia,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adolescents age around 15 to 17 or students in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

middle and high school consume smoke because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social

media

influencers do the same.

Indonesia

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In Indonesia

show examples

, smoking is illegal and

include

Correct subject-verb agreement

includes

show examples

one of the crimes cases when

people

consume it under 18 years old.

In contrast

, there are two possible ways that can be proposed to solve the

aformentioned

Correct your spelling

aforementioned

issue.

Firtsly

Correct your spelling

Firstly

, the role of

parents

in the development of

adolescent

Fix the agreement mistake

adolescents

show examples

is really pivotal where

parents

can take control

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show examples

their children’s

life

By being

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Being

show examples

a good role model is one of the

way

Change to a plural noun

ways

show examples

that

parents

can do for their

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

and they can

also

support

Add an article

a support

show examples

system in their

life

. By doing those actions, it is

esier

Correct your spelling

easier

for

parents

to take control and give

an advice

Remove the article

advice

a piece of advice

a bit of advice

show examples

which are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good deeds and bad deeds.

Moreover

, teachers in schools

also

can be good figures for young

people

. Schools can make a

socialition

Correct your spelling

socialisation

to raise younger

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

awareness about

crime

, law, legal and illegal activities.

Thus

, it is hoped that by knowing the legal and illegal activities young

people

do not carry out activities that violate the law.

To sum up

, social

media

application is the primary

caused

Replace the word

cause

show examples

why the

crime

issues

commited

Correct your spelling

committed

young

Add an article

a young

the young

show examples

citizen in the cities rise.

Nevertheless

parents

and teachers are the two figures that can be solutions for

this

phenomonen

Correct your spelling

phenomenon

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Thu Jul 13 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

341 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes commited by young people in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Many manufactured food and products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the government should strictly control the supply of fresh water while other think we can use as much water as we want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? is the traditonal music of a country is more imporatnat than international music?