Today due to advanced medicine, people are living longer. Therefore, the number of elders is expected to exceed that of young people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
The development of medicine has played a crucial role in our day-to-day life. It is undoubtedly said that the number of elders had tempted to exceed the younger.
Overall
, the impact has slowly but strongly influenced the
way of our living. Correct pronoun usage
our
This
essay intends to shed light on both the pros and cons, and I believe it holds more benefits than side effects as well.
The most obvious advantage is the improvement of hospital equipment and the quality of doctors and nurses to help both adults and baby to get pharmaceuticals on time and decrease the number of dead
. Replace the word
deaths
Instead
, in the modern era, advanced medication not only increases the facilities but also
raises the health awareness of the public. For instance
, adults tend to buy health guarantees for the older population or their children to ensure they can get the treatments promptly and lower the payment of getting injured. Nevertheless
, these effects push the government to contribute more to social welfare and policy
that ensure their citizens' safety. One of the examples is that the government builds more parks with gym equipment and sets more fitness checks for all of the communities to gain more benefits to Fix the agreement mistake
policies
pre-ensure
their body's condition.
Correct your spelling
ensure
On the other hand
, how much the will community need to pay for their strength has been an issue in this
fast-path
generation. There is no concern that the nation will get sick and become old one day. Correct your spelling
fast-paced
However
, we will never know when is the time that the energy problem will be annoying
us, and there is the possibility that we will need to stay in the hospital for the whole of our lives or we do not have enough money to get the treatment. In general, some folk thought that the payment of a guarantee is too high to Wrong verb form
annoy
stable
their life quality, but some societies consider a guarantee as the red line of happiness in their retirement life. Replace the word
stabilise
Furthermore
, the improvement in medication causes problems of time-consuming policy and communities tend to ask for a more social benefit such
as the shelter of the older which increases the tax for the youngster.
I would like to conclude
that the improvement might come up with a lot of negative social effects such
as more detail and human resources on law and the coverage policy in the short term, but it generates a great amount concerned
about happiness for humans in the long term. From the perspective above, we can easily say that the advantage has overweight the disadvantage.Change preposition
of concern
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and relevance to the topic, affecting the logical structure of the essay.
task achievement
The essay partially responds to the task, and the points made lack clarity and depth. More specific examples and a clearer response to the prompt are needed for a full score.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.