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Band 4

employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs personal information, such as their hobbies and inerests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #inerests
Nowadays , many occupations require
a
Remove the article
apply
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plenty of personal
information
 that might be irrelevant to the work. people have extreme points of view toward
this
 situation and I am going to explain why in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, many
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 tend to make their personal
information
 secret , they believe that it is their own life and no one can have access to it .
However
 some of them do not care about that , and they try to be acceptable for the job
with
Change preposition
in
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 any way ,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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no matter how inquisitive questions could be asked to them.
Secondly
, companies tend to ask personal questions to know if the candidates are having other responsibilities,that could influence
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their performance in the work. For ,instance they could ask if the employees have children or not . But
nevertheless
, it might be sometimes out of the lines . From my perspective, I do believe that personal
information
are
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is
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 essential
at
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in
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 any occupation ,
nontheless
Correct your spelling
nonetheless
 it should be related to the job, and I think it needs to have
specifics
Change the noun form
specific
show examples
 criteria that are based on the most important points of the job.
However
 the employer has to preserve the
information
 of the employees carefully without sharing it with anyone,
otherwise
 I would disagree with that . In conclusion , I would say that people need to be more
acceptable
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accepting
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 to
shar
Correct your spelling
sharing
 their
information
 if it does not reflect badly, and it will be beneficial for employers if they keep
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
 personal
information
save
Replace the word
safe
show examples
.
Submitted by wdalris2020 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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