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Band 2.5

The plans below show the South Wing of Walton Museum in 2008 and in 2012 after it was redeveloped.

#plans #show #walton #museum #redeveloped
The map illustrates the South Wing of Walton Museum before and after renovation in the years 2008 and 2012.
Overall
, we can notice that
building
Correct article usage
the building
show examples
 got extended and there were added 2 more floors with fewer new rooms.
To begin
 with the underground
floor
, the shop and exhibition
room
stay
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 the same in 2008 and 2012, but the cloaks
room
 was replaced playing area for children.
Additionally
, the stair was made into
lift
Add an article
the lift
a lift
show examples
. The main entrance on 1st
floor
 was outside in 2008, but it was redeveloped into a hall inside the museum in 2012. The
cloaks
Correct your spelling
cloakroom
show examples
room
 was relocated to the reception hall which was placed right after the entrance. Continuously, on the right of the lift, we can see, the reading
room
 that didn't change its location. The second
floor
 which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 new construction in 2012, offered visitors more convenience with a restaurant on the left side of the lift and
opened
Correct article usage
an opened
show examples
 terrace next to it. There was
also
 build new self-service
room
. There was only 1 exhibition
room
 IN 2008, but the museum opened 1 more on 3rd
floor
 in 2012
Submitted by telagisova.07 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction provides an overview of the changes but lacks a clear outline of the main features and a conclusion summarizing the key points.
task achievement
The response offers a basic overview of the changes, but it needs to provide more specific details and comparisons between the two plans. There is also a need for a more comprehensive conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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