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Band 6

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #consideration
It is often suggested that attractive compensation is one of the most critical factors that affect
work
 seekers to land new
jobs
. Personally, I completely disagree with
this
 view for a variety of reasons.
Firstly
,new employees
also
 care about personal relationships and the atmosphere in a workplace when they first come to
work
.
This
 is because working environments are extremely important when choosing a job, a great salary can not respond to all the employees’ convenience with low standards and facilities;
along with
 the fact of utilizing
work
 experience for enhancing job performance. In fact, being offered a great salary is not the best idea for new workers who spend their time working in inefficient workplaces.
For example
, having a good manager or friendly colleagues can make a huge difference to workers’ levels of happiness and general quality of life.
As a result
, their income rises gradually, similar to their higher responsibilities for
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
jobs
.
Secondly
,
although
, more profitable
jobs
 require better performance at first glance, they usually have some kind of pitfalls and challenges.
This
 means that newbies participating in new
jobs
 have to deal with much competition either their bonus wage.
Furthermore
, strength and duration are two obligatory things that every new employee must look at first.
Therefore
, if they are blinded by immediate profits, they will have to bear a lot of risks that
work
 causes. In conclusion,
while
 it is true that the profit from payments is very necessary, I strongly believe that there are more important factors to consider in order to achieve complete job satisfaction. In my opinion, each person has to review these activities' strategies and requirements to be able to earn more money in the future, even ,more they volunteer or offer.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Task Response
The essay does not fully address the prompt, and the arguments lack clarity and relevance. The introduction and conclusion need improvement and the examples provided are not specific enough to support the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It is recommended to use clear topic sentences and connect ideas coherently within and between paragraphs. The introduction and conclusion also need to be improved to better organize the essay.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but there are instances of inaccurate word choice and awkward phrasing. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices to link ideas is limited, and the essay lacks lexical precision and variety.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows an attempt at using a range of complex structures, but there are frequent errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and agreement. It is recommended to work on sentence construction, verb forms, and subject-verb agreement to achieve greater accuracy and variety.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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