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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today’s modern society, it is considered by some people that holding
animals
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 in
zoos
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 is not appropriate
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while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 others say that
zoos
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 provide both entertainment and ecological value.
While
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zoos
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 can bring certain benefits, I am firmly convinced that it is more appropriate for
animals
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 to live in the wild. On the one hand, there are some reasons why
animals
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 may be kept in
zoos
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. The main reason for
this
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 is that
zoos
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 can help to protect endangered species that are on the verge of extinction.
This
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 is mainly because scientists can maintain the breed of endangered species by helping them reproduce.
As a result
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, the population of these species will be maintained so that they will not become extinct.
For example
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, in China, pandas are usually kept in
zoos
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 where they are taken care of carefully.
On the other hand
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, it is my firm belief that it is unethical to keep
animals
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 in
zoos
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because of
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for
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 some reasons.
To begin
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 with,
animals
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 can lose their instinct for hunting and fighting if kept in
zoos
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 for a long time.
As a result
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, when they are released to the wild, it may be hard for them to survive in the harsh environment.
For instance
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, when living in
zoos
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, a lot of
animals
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 are fed by zookeepers, so they cannot hunt anymore.
Moreover
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, there are some
organizations
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organisations
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 that just focus on profit rather than protecting
animals
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.
In other words
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, some zoological parks are not established for saving
animals
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, but for creating income.
Consequently
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, when
animals
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 cannot be used for profit, these
organizations
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organisations
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 may eliminate them. In conclusion,
although
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zoos
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 might help with saving endangered
animals
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, I personally believe that
zoos
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 may be detrimental
since
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apply
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/because they can cause the loss of
animals
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’ instincts and can be used to generate income.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better, such as 'firstly', 'additionally', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Provide examples that better illustrate your main points; this will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You have done well to identify both sides of the argument and present your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs have main ideas that are easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
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