IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#aim #science #people #lives
It is argued that thriving
individual's
Change noun form
individual
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lives
 should be the priority of
science
’s purpose. I strongly agree with
this
 viewpoint because
science
 has a great impact on human well-being and
quality
 of life.
This
 essay will develop the reasons
as
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in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support of
this
 stance.
Firstly
, it is obvious that the development of
science
, especially the enhancement of medical technologies, plays a vital role in resolving a massive number of health issues, which is directly associated with human well-being. In fact, the invention of new treatments and medicines has enormously contributed to
mitigate
Wrong verb form
mitigating
show examples
 the risk of suffering from severe illnesses and unexpected viruses.
For instance
, during the COVID circumstance, scientists all over the world
had
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apply
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put a great effort
on
Change preposition
into
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 inventing new vaccinations, resulting in reducing the number of infected populations and recovering our well-being.
Therefore
, I strongly believe that scientists should prioritize the improvement of human well-being, considering that the role of
science
 is significant for our health.
Moreover
, other aspects of scientific development including
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 devote to
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 convenient lifestyle, which enhances the
quality
 of
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
. With the use of
internet
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the internet
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, people now can communicate with each other regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
location and time differences.
In other words
, thanks to the wireless network technologies, the international commercial trades have become more active, leading to the flourishment of
national
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the national
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 economy.
This
 trend fosters an increase
on
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in
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individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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 financial level, which makes people have a better
quality
 of life.
To sum up
,
it is clear that
 the aim of
science
 should focus on improving our
lives
 because it directly affects people’s health and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
quality
.
For example
, the invention of new medical products has played a significant role in protecting us from various diseases and
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 allows us to live more conveniently by minimizing the limitations of communication and thrives our
lives
 by leading to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
economic development.
Submitted by jinny921108 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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