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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The presented circle graphs
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on diverse activities by employed people in some country in the year 1958 and 2008. The data is calibrated in percentage. At a fleeting glance, it can be clearly seen that
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 portion of the
time
Use synonyms
 was devoted to working and sleeping for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years comprising over 60% of the total
time
Use synonyms
. To take a deep look, the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on working
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 indirectly proportional to the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 used for sleeping as the work
hours
Use synonyms
 increased from 33% to 42% and sleeping
time
Use synonyms
 reduced from 32% to 25%.
However
Linking Words
, the
time
Use synonyms
 expended in travelling to work and playing sports has increased over the years and both stood at 8%.
Also
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
hours
Correct article usage
the hours
show examples
 that
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 unwinding at home
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 increased from 8% to 13% in 2008. Meanwhile, a noticeable decrease can be
vivdly
Correct your spelling
vividly
 seen in the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 consumed for going out with friends or family.
Submitted by sanjanakamboj7 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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