IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada.
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The bar chart gives information about four different
places
Use synonyms
 visited by people living in Canada. The four
places
Use synonyms
 shown are Cinema, theatre, library and zoo. The three different kinds of people taken into consideration are new migrants born in English-speaking countries, new migrants born in other countries and people born in Canada.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be argued that Cinemas are the most visited
places
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 theatres are the less visited.
Moreover
Linking Words
, new migrants born in other countries seem to love spending their time in libraries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they seem to dislike spending their time in theatres. These two tendencies could be connected with the language. Focusing on details, more than 50% of the three categories took
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration usually visited cinemas,
while
Linking Words
 less than 25% of them visited theatres. Zoos and libraries are
places
Use synonyms
 that each of the categories used to visit with a percentage that goes between 35 % and 55%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words places with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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