IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Using social
media
Use synonyms
 is becoming more and more popular and is gradually replacing
Use synonyms
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
Use synonyms
 contact in many individuals'
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
. I tend to believe the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 development outweigh the advantages. It is true that social
media
Use synonyms
 can make our lives more convenient. It is easy to get in touch with all kinds of people from all over the world through social
media
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, we can make more friends and study from different cultures.
This
Linking Words
 process will bring lots of vital mentalities
such
Linking Words
 as visionary,
Correct word choice
and knowledgeable
show examples
knowledgeable
Replace the word
knowledge
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many talent researchers like to share their ideas on Twitter, and we can chat
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 them to get some
inspirations
Fix the agreement mistake
inspiration
show examples
.
By comparison
Linking Words
, it is impossible to do these by contact
Use synonyms
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
Use synonyms
. But the bad thing is that it is hard to make real friends by using social
media
Use synonyms
. Individuals may not really care about the people
who
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are talking with. They can easy to find another "friend" with similar interests by searching online because there are billions of people suffering on the internet at the same
time
Use synonyms
.
Less
Change the quantifier
Fewer
show examples
 friends may lead to serval mental problems
such
Linking Words
 as depression.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a student spent
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
his spare
her spare
show examples
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using social
media
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 he has less
time
Use synonyms
 to
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 relationships with classmates and teachers. Once he meets some challenge, it is hard to receive any help or find anyone to talk to. Generally, social
media
Use synonyms
 replacing
Use synonyms
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
Use synonyms
 contact built lots of disadvantages and overweigh its merits. I suggest the citizens should spend more
time
Use synonyms
to go
Change the verb form
going
show examples
 out and socializing off-line.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • information
  • perspectives
  • maintain
  • genuine
  • miscommunication
  • misunderstandings
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • privacy concerns
  • online security risks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: