IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Fast food industry is having negative effects on our health? Do you agree or disagree ?

#food #industry #effects #health
There are a large number of people who love to have fast
food
 though it leaves a negative impact on our
health
. Eating fast
food
 can be the reason for gaining extra weight and disease. I agree that our
health
 is a risk
due to
having
Verb problem
eating
show examples
 fast
food
.
To begin
 with, in terms of getting extra weight, junk
food
 contributes a lot. Junk
foods
 are comprised of various types of ingredients that lead to extra weight.
For example
, I have a friend who was a Burger lover. He used to order it
instead
 of healthy
food
. He started eating junk
food
 3 times of meal.
As a result
, he ended up becoming overweight. Now he is seeing a doctor to get rid of it. It slowly adds an extra pound to our body that we do not realise when we get addicted to it.
secondly
, we can be attacked by disease to continue these
foods
. It harms our
health
 very rapidly.
For instance
, If anyone has an addiction to it, he will have various
health
 issues
such
 as high blood pressure,
diabetes
Correct word choice
and diabetes
show examples
 and it may cause a heart attack sometimes.
Moreover
, they deprive us of leading a good life.
Foods
 are meant to improve our body condition as we get protein, vitamins so on but it is totally the opposite when it comes to fast
food
.
Furthermore
, If a person decides to not take
foods
 that collapse his body, that would be the best decision ever. People who are
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an unhealthy
food
 cycle should bring themselves in a proper diet to maintain their immunity system.
To conclude
, Though
foods
 that are harmful taste noteworthy it is always better to stay away to keep yourself fine.
Therefore
, I agree that fast
foods
 have a notable bad influence on our lives.
Submitted by niloyirtisam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be developed logically.
task achievement
Be sure to directly answer the question posed and stay on topic throughout the essay. Include a thesis statement that clearly states your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: