IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Fast food industry is having negative effects on our health? Do you agree or disagree ?

#food #industry #effects #health
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There are a large number of people who love to have fast
food
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 though it leaves a negative impact on our
health
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. Eating fast
food
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 can be the reason for gaining extra weight and disease. I agree that our
health
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 is a risk
due to
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having
Verb problem
eating
show examples
 fast
food
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.
To begin
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 with, in terms of getting extra weight, junk
food
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 contributes a lot. Junk
foods
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 are comprised of various types of ingredients that lead to extra weight.
For example
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, I have a friend who was a Burger lover. He used to order it
instead
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 of healthy
food
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. He started eating junk
food
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 3 times of meal.
As a result
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, he ended up becoming overweight. Now he is seeing a doctor to get rid of it. It slowly adds an extra pound to our body that we do not realise when we get addicted to it.
secondly
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, we can be attacked by disease to continue these
foods
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. It harms our
health
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 very rapidly.
For instance
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, If anyone has an addiction to it, he will have various
health
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 issues
such
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 as high blood pressure,
diabetes
Correct word choice
and diabetes
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 and it may cause a heart attack sometimes.
Moreover
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, they deprive us of leading a good life.
Foods
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 are meant to improve our body condition as we get protein, vitamins so on but it is totally the opposite when it comes to fast
food
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.
Furthermore
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, If a person decides to not take
foods
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 that collapse his body, that would be the best decision ever. People who are
into
Change preposition
in
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 an unhealthy
food
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 cycle should bring themselves in a proper diet to maintain their immunity system.
To conclude
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, Though
foods
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 that are harmful taste noteworthy it is always better to stay away to keep yourself fine.
Therefore
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, I agree that fast
foods
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 have a notable bad influence on our lives.
Submitted by niloyirtisam on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be developed logically.
task achievement
Be sure to directly answer the question posed and stay on topic throughout the essay. Include a thesis statement that clearly states your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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