IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this?

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Money is a tool for survival and it is cumbersome to lead a life without it. People struggle a lot to make a living. Generally, anyone starts earning from the
age
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 of 21. Most employers have a policy of
retirement
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 at the
age
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 of 60 or 62. There are differences of opinion when it comes to getting retired. I believe that one must be given
retirement
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 at the
age
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 of 62 years.
This
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 essay will elucidate the reasons for the narrated matter above with relevant examples. First of all, there are a group of people who
likes
Correct subject-verb agreement
like
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 to continue working even after their
retirement
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 to support their families,
near
Correct word choice
and near
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 or dear ones. They cannot render help unless they have a source of income.
For example
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, there are many out there in society who
finds
Correct subject-verb agreement
find
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 it difficult to make their children study
due to
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 lack of money or have no
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
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 to feed their families. Apart from these, there are numerous old
age
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 groups who have been neglected by their children and require a helping hand and
thus
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 these noblemen do all
that is
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 needed to make them happy donating money to those organisations that offer shelter to these abandoned parents.
On the other hand
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, there are many when
retirement
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 is nearing think about what will they do as they do not have anything to accomplish and killing time at home becomes a huge question for them.
Moreover
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, they do not like sitting idle at home doing nothing.
For instance
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, those who have settled down everything in their life right from educating their offerings to getting married to getting intended deserving job, have fulfilled the requirements and responsibilities of family.
Hence
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, they always opt
for working
Change preposition
to work
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 as long as they can for the aforementioned reasons.
To conclude
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, I believe that one must
get
Verb problem
apply
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retired
Wrong verb form
retire
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 at a particular
age
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 as they have spent their entire life working for their firms and family.
However
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, those who wish to perform the job to help the community to be considered allowing them to light work so they do not get stressed up.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a relevant introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure could be improved by organizing the main points more effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay presents clear ideas, but there is room for improvement in providing a complete response and specific examples to fully address the task question.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • social security
  • life expectancy
  • mental and physical well-being
  • active and engaged
  • mentorship
  • knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • workforce
  • physical strength
  • workplace safety
  • healthcare costs
  • accommodation
  • financial strain
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