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Band 5.5

Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this?

#worker #age #people
Money is a tool for survival and it is cumbersome to lead a life without it. People struggle a lot to make a living. Generally, anyone starts earning from the
age
 of 21. Most employers have a policy of
retirement
 at the
age
 of 60 or 62. There are differences of opinion when it comes to getting retired. I believe that one must be given
retirement
 at the
age
 of 62 years.
This
 essay will elucidate the reasons for the narrated matter above with relevant examples. First of all, there are a group of people who
likes
Correct subject-verb agreement
like
show examples
 to continue working even after their
retirement
 to support their families,
near
Correct word choice
and near
show examples
 or dear ones. They cannot render help unless they have a source of income.
For example
, there are many out there in society who
finds
Correct subject-verb agreement
find
show examples
 it difficult to make their children study
due to
 lack of money or have no
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 to feed their families. Apart from these, there are numerous old
age
 groups who have been neglected by their children and require a helping hand and
thus
 these noblemen do all
that is
 needed to make them happy donating money to those organisations that offer shelter to these abandoned parents.
On the other hand
, there are many when
retirement
 is nearing think about what will they do as they do not have anything to accomplish and killing time at home becomes a huge question for them.
Moreover
, they do not like sitting idle at home doing nothing.
For instance
, those who have settled down everything in their life right from educating their offerings to getting married to getting intended deserving job, have fulfilled the requirements and responsibilities of family.
Hence
, they always opt
for working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
 as long as they can for the aforementioned reasons.
To conclude
, I believe that one must
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
retired
Wrong verb form
retire
show examples
 at a particular
age
 as they have spent their entire life working for their firms and family.
However
, those who wish to perform the job to help the community to be considered allowing them to light work so they do not get stressed up.
Submitted by rashmi5232 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a relevant introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure could be improved by organizing the main points more effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay presents clear ideas, but there is room for improvement in providing a complete response and specific examples to fully address the task question.
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