Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most of time at home rather than going outdoors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #ages #parts #world #time #home

this

present-day, with the rapid changing of lifestyle, most

people

would rather spend their precious

time

home

than outside.

However

, I partly agree with some

point

Fix the agreement mistake

points

show examples

regarding

this

topic. First and foremost, nowadays there are many activities that can be done at

home

For

example

enrich

Wrong verb form

enriching

show examples

their

knowledges

Change the wording

knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

through online

class

Fix the agreement mistake

classes

show examples

, learning gymnastics from TV,

developing

Correct word choice

and developing

show examples

some

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

such

as cooking.

As a result

people

can enjoy their

time

too at

home

Secondly

, some

people

were already tired

with

Change preposition

show examples

their

outdoors

Replace the word

outdoor

show examples

activities. As an

example

, some

people

certain

Change preposition

in certain

show examples

age

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

were tired from working long days at the office, so they preferred to spend their

time

home

resting with

the

Change the word

their

show examples

family. Because for some

people

, that activities could be recharged their energy,

although

if it is just

short

Correct article usage

a short

show examples

conversation to spend their

time

Thirdly

spend

Wrong verb form

spending

show examples

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

home

may be more

effectives

Correct your spelling

effective

For

example

people

can enjoy watching movies on

application

Fix the agreement mistake

applications

show examples

home

without getting stuck in traffic

jam

Fix the agreement mistake

jams

show examples

As a result

, it is more

effectives

Correct your spelling

effective

both for

time

and money.

However

, spending too much

time

home

also

not good, because humans are social creatures that need

time

to socialize. As an

example

, boredom. Sometimes

people

need to go outside to get a new atmosphere and a change of mood, to ease their boredom. In conclusion, I believe that it is no big deal if someone prefers to spend most of their

time

home

, as long as they enjoy it.

However

, it is

also

a good idea if sometimes

people

go outside to have a change of atmosphere.

Submitted by nastitirahayu97 on Sun Jul 16 2023

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most of time at home rather than going outdoors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping center or mall to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

University students should pay the full cost for their own study because a university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff. In your letter, you should tell: what you heard about the inconvenience from the staff how you feel about it what suggestions you have

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make some action. Discuss both views and give your opinion.