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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work.

Nowadays, an increasing number of
farmers
Use synonyms
 leaving their agricultural work and migrating to urban
areas
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 for better job opportunities.
This
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 essay will discuss the main consequences of migrating to
city
Use synonyms
areas
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 and propose some solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
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 problem. The main consequences caused by
farmers
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 relocating
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different
city
Use synonyms
areas
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 are a decrease in agricultural products and an increased risk of
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
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.
Farmers
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 are the backbone of a country because they provide food to
people
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.When individuals from agricultural backgrounds seek higher work prospects, they tend
relocating
Change the verb form
to relocate
show examples
 to places where they can meet their requirements.
As a result
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, less production leads to a scarcity of food and hampers
gross
Correct article usage
the gross
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 domestic product of a country.
Additionally
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, dependency on other countries
also
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 increases.
Moreover
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, as
city
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areas
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 are already crowded by large numbers of
people
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when
farmers
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 move to these places, it becomes overpopulated and unmanaged.
For instance
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, in Kathmandu, a large proportion of
people
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 coming to settle every year has deteriorated the quality of life in
a
Correct article usage
the
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city
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. Air pollution, noise pollution, and finding suitable jobs are the major rising challenge
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 downtown
areas
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. In my opinion, the best solution to these results is building schools, colleges, and hospitals in the countryside.
Firstly
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, most parents want their children to be educated, healthier and have a bright future. When colleges and hospitals are built in
such
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areas
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, obviously, the number of
people
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 moving to
city
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areas
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 will eventually decrease.
Moreover
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,
farmers
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 should be provided subsidies and other facilities. If loans are provided by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to
farmers
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,
then
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 they can enhance their performance and productivity. Insecticides, pesticides, manures, irrigation facilities, and other essential materials should be granted to boost the agricultural sector.
Thus
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, fulfilling the needs of
farmers
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 leads to the
overall
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 well-being of a country. In conclusion, the trend of
people
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 moving to downtown
areas
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 in search of career openings results in many consequences, including scarcity of crops and an unmanaged population. The most effective solution is to furnish health, higher education and most importantly, subsidies to local
people
Use synonyms
 by the authorities.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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