Some think that the government should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In modern society, some people believe that the
government
should financially
support
the retired, ageing population
while
others think they should be able to be financially independent. I believe that the
government
should definitely
support
retired workers, especially the ones who have had a larger impact on the country’s well-being. There is no denying that most people have a rough idea
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
when they would like to retire so planning in advance and having the ability to save money for their future is a big reason why the
government
shouldn’t pay.
Therefore
, it would make sense for the
government
to refuse financial
support
in
this
case.
However
, many jobs on minimum wage, especially the
one’s
Change noun form
ones
show examples
directly involved with the
government
, do not make enough money to save for retirement.
As a result
, they would need extra
support
financially.
Now to
Rephrase
That is
show examples
why the
government
should pay, there are multiple reasons. One of them
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
that many individuals pay taxes and have jobs that they can only sustain during their younger years.
For example
, soldiers working in the army retire younger and find themselves jobless after retirement.
Not to mention
how much they sacrifice for their country, only to be left with nothing as soon as they finish their service. As far as taxes are concerned, most of the money that the public
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
, many of them never see the impact it has on the country. In conclusion, the
government
should aim to implement schemes that give back to some of the most valuable members of our society. Without them, the country would struggle to function effectively. To give them nothing in return is a disgrace to the
government
.
Submitted by uzi99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Address the opposing views more explicitly and provide a clearer opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to avoid errors and improve clarity.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: