Some people decide to start their own busniess instead of working hour for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, the majority of the masses prefer to initiate their own work, rather than being employed at others` places. From my perspective, it has more benefits than drawbacks, and both
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the young generation wants to become freelancers as they feel
this
would provide a plethora of advantages.
To begin
with, they could do their job as per their own conditions and could provide job opportunities to others.
In other words
, they do not like to be bound to employment from nine to seven, in fact, do not even like to follow the guidelines and rules of the workplace.
Besides
, they could earn much more profit in
this
manner, they need not do hard work for others.
For instance
,
while
a person is being employed in an organisation, he would receive only hourly wage, no matter, if he had worked extra.
Therefore
, inhabitants, who do not like to share their earnings, or are restricted by regulations want to invest in their business merely.
On the other hand
, self-employed individuals need to face some challenges as well.
Initially
, they need to devote extra hours, especially at the earliest stages, whilst the earnings are quite low.
Subsequently
, some refuse to pursue it
further
, as they develop a fear of the risk involved in it.
For example
, business tycoons frequently talk about stress and failures of their initiatives, they had to face obstacles, disappointments and loses they had to
due to
a few errors.
Apart from
this
, they cannot enjoy the benefits that organizations provide to their employees, including health insurance, paid vacations, bonuses and certainly more. In conclusion, apparently, starting a new job costs huge sacrifices and dedication,
however
, once it
would become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
a successful empire it
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
provide comfort and relaxation
along with
money.
Although
it has a few downsides, I consider its pros
are
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
much more.
Submitted by lavisharma622 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay contains relevant ideas, but some points are not fully developed. Make sure to elaborate on each point and provide specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good overall structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there are some instances where the ideas could be further connected and linked more coherently.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: