It is suggested that all young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work, helping people in the community.

In
this
day and age, there are some people who
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that the youths should be obliged to provide aid to people in the community for a short-term period, albeit free of income.
This
arrangement
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
would seemingly disadvantage in certain aspects, actually possesses many merits that, in my opinion, would overshadow the drawbacks. Regarding the
drawbacks
Add a comma
,drawbacks
show examples
if
such
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
schemes come to fruition, some young people would not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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willingly
Change the word
willing
show examples
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
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because they feel their
time
is being wasted,
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
struggle to balance work
time
and volunteer
time
. To the ones who have families,
this
would pose a dramatic influence on their financial aspects. Since they are compelled to perform community services would subject them to a loss of income, meanwhile, they will have no money to support their families,
as well as
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
their living expenses. In spite of the above arguments, I am inclined to think the pros outweigh the cons. First and foremost, those
activities
would help the youths to build empathy and compassion as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result of donating
time
and helping others. Undoubtedly, by helping the elderly, the sick, and the disabled or joining the charity
activities
like raising funds, young adults will certainly obtain and accumulate first-hand value experience, and know more about society.
Furthermore
, those who are eager to help others are civic-minded and develop social skills,
consequently
, they will find it easy to form new relationships. In a nutshell, I stand by my belief that the merits of suggesting the youths serve others in the community eclipse its demerits.
This sort
Fix the agreement mistake
These sorts
show examples
of
activities
should be
widely-propagated
Correct your spelling
widely propagated
show examples
as voluntary
activities
not mandatory.
Submitted by anhthu3826 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • skill development
  • soft skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • leadership
  • social responsibility
  • community engagement
  • empathy
  • civic duty
  • networking opportunities
  • volunteering
  • personal growth
  • confidence
  • financial compensation
  • economic drawbacks
  • exploitation
  • free labor
  • fair exchange
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