IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that technology causes more problems for modern society than it solves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #society
It’s
argue
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
 that
technology
 causes more problems for modern life than it solves.
While
 no one can deny the advantage of
technology
 to our life,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 definitely agree with that opinion. In the modern age,the technological transformation of the workplace,in industry,the service sector and traditionally
white-collor
Correct your spelling
white-collar
jobs
threatens
Change the verb form
threaten
show examples
 to have a largely negative impact on global employment as more and more
jobs
 are automated. It remains to be seen whether there will be enough
jobs
 to replace the massive amount of
jobs
 which will be lost to automation, especially
sine
Correct your spelling
since
show examples
 computers are able to do many
jobs
 themselves. An illustration of
this
 is typist, switchboard operators and production-line
jobs
 have largely disappeared, and many of the skilled
jobs
 that
also
 threatened by automation.
Secondly
,
technology
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a large impact on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. Manufacturing industry
products
Replace the word
produces
show examples
 the amount of plastic which is lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plastic pollution.
Moreover
, emissions from
Add an article
the factory
show examples
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
also
 cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air and water pollution. There are some solutions to mitigating the impact of
technology
.
First,
the government should
be introduce
Change the verb form
introduce
show examples
 a universal
basic-income
Correct your spelling
basic income
show examples
 in which citizens of a country receive an unconditional sum of money every month.
Second,
they should encourage people to reduce using plastic. In conclusion,
technology
 has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own advantage but it
also
 has
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our life
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: