IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Please summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Please summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#sales #five #phone #brands #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The chart bar demonstrates the
number
 of
sales
 from
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
 most popular mobile
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
 manufacturers in the world during the period of 2019-2013.
It is clear that
Nokia
 was the leading vendor of global mobile
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
sales
 in 2009 and 2011.
However
,
Samsung
 took the leading place as its
sales
 of handsets rose largely in 2013. In 2009,
Nokia
 sold 450
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 mobile
phones
 globally, which was almost 200
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 larger than the
number
Samsung
 sold, 250
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. In 2011,
Nokia
 saw a slight decrease in
sales
while
 the amount of
Samsung
phones
 increased by about 100
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in the world. In 2013, the
sales
 of
Nokia
 fell by around 200
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, which was similar to the increased
sales
number
 of
Samsung
 around the world. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
,
Samsung
 became the most popular mobile phone manufacturer in 2013, with
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
450
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
sales
. As for the other three popular mobile phone vendors, they were Apple, LG, and ZTE. Globally, the
number
 of Apple
phones
 sold increased dramatically, from around 25
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 units in 2009 to about 150
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2013.
However
, during the same period, the worldwide
sales
 of ZTE only saw a slight increase (i.e., it increased to more than 50
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2013) and LG declined from around 130
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2019 to around 70
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2013.
Submitted by tina2359uo on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, sales, phones, nokia, samsung, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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