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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Please summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Please summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#sales #five #phone #brands #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart bar demonstrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
sales
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 from
five
Correct article usage
the five
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 most popular mobile
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phones
Change the noun form
phone
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 manufacturers in the world during the period of 2019-2013.
It is clear that
Linking Words
Nokia
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 was the leading vendor of global mobile
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phones
Change the noun form
phone
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sales
Use synonyms
 in 2009 and 2011.
However
Linking Words
,
Samsung
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 took the leading place as its
sales
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 of handsets rose largely in 2013. In 2009,
Nokia
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 sold 450
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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 mobile
phones
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 globally, which was almost 200
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 larger than the
number
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Samsung
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 sold, 250
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millions
Change to singular
million
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. In 2011,
Nokia
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 saw a slight decrease in
sales
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while
Linking Words
 the amount of
Samsung
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phones
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 increased by about 100
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 in the world. In 2013, the
sales
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 of
Nokia
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 fell by around 200
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millions
Change to singular
million
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, which was similar to the increased
sales
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number
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 of
Samsung
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 around the world. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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,
Samsung
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 became the most popular mobile phone manufacturer in 2013, with
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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450
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
sales
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. As for the other three popular mobile phone vendors, they were Apple, LG, and ZTE. Globally, the
number
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 of Apple
phones
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 sold increased dramatically, from around 25
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 units in 2009 to about 150
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 2013.
However
Linking Words
, during the same period, the worldwide
sales
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 of ZTE only saw a slight increase (i.e., it increased to more than 50
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 2013) and LG declined from around 130
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2019 to around 70
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2013.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, sales, phones, nokia, samsung, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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