IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is important for people to take risk, both in professional lives and personal lives. Do you think advantage of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risk #lives #advantage #risks
The rationality of taking
risks
 in the different moments of life is pretty debatable. It is suggested by those who prefer to rely on the fortune that deficiencies of these actions are negligible compared to the benefits . But I have an opposite view and believe that the disadvantages do in fact outweigh the advantages. On the one hand, pretty often the risk can lead to desirable success and meet expectations. The numerous celebrities that influence people spread the idea that regularly taking
risks
 is the most important component on the path of reaching their goals.
Thus
, they show by example that periodicals relying on luck is not an attribute of an untrustable person or a company, but an indication of the correct way for those who are used to winning.
On the other hand
, the people who tend to trust motivational speeches about the necessity of taking
risks
 in life see only one side of the coin and ignore all risk-takers that lost their whole capital relying on chance once. There will be appropriate to put forward the popular phenomenon called "Survivorship bias".
This
 thesis is relative to the situation when British engineers protected the most damaged parts of the planes which returned after the battle, but they ignored the flying machines that did not come home after combat.
Thus
, chosen strategy led to the defeat of England .The same mistakes are made by the absolute majority of the people who believe that regular risk is a win-win way to succeed. They listen to the stories of success from the one millionaire but skip the
ofmillions
Correct your spelling
millions
stories
Change preposition
of stories
show examples
 of those ones who lost everything and stayed behind the scenes.
According to
 the provided arguments, I tend to state that the disadvantages of taking
risks
 outweigh the advantages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because in real life the
risks
 more often lead to defeats and losses regardless of the speeches about the importance of risking which almost always are subjective.
Submitted by tsaryk2004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: