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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of people in Europe who were affected by four types of noise by day and night in cities and rural areas in 2007.

The charts below show the number of people in Europe who were affected by four types of noise by day and night in cities and rural areas in 2007.
#show #people #europe #four #noise #night #cities #areas
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The given bar charts
presents
Change the verb form
present
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 data about
proportion
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the proportion
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 of Europeans
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
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 influenced by the daily minimum and maximum levels of
noise
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 which originated from
traffic
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, train, aircraft and
industry
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 both in
cities
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 and rural areas in 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the charts that
traffic
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 came out first in terms of
noise
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 levels in both
cities
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 and
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for
Use synonyms
industry
Correct article usage
the industry
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 section.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
traffic
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 was overwhelmingly the main source of
noise
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 during the day and
night
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, which affected 64
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 and 48
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 citizens, respectively. Rural figures for
traffic
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noise
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 were approximately half as high at 34
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and 24
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. Turning to
noise
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 from
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
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, in
cities
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, 10
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 and 8
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 individuals were impacted
while
Linking Words
 ,in urban areas, the figure
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 just true for 8
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and 6
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 people. Noticeably, aircraft and
industry
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 categories seemed likely to have the least impact on the community. In terms of the categories in
cities
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, only 4
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 and 1 million of the entire number of Europe residents were disturbed by flights during the day and at
night
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, in turn, 2
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 individuals
also
Linking Words
 heard
aircrafts
Correct your spelling
aircraft
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 at
night
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 in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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, with half of many aware of daytime flights. The figure for rural
industry
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 was
neglible
Correct your spelling
negligible
 and in
cities
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 stood at 1 million ones influenced by time of day and
night
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by anhthu3826 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words noise, traffic, industry, cities, night, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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