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Some pepole say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and becom disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work . Discusee both views and give your opinion.

#pepole #teenagers #work #money #lessons #becom #sacrifice #rest #activities #discusee
Some individuals opine that youth should
work
 part-time and know how to gain money from
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 addition, get
work
 experience from various fields
whereas
, others claim that young students should take their
rest
 and should not sacrifice it.
This
 essay
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will elaborate on both viewpoints
along with
 my perspective in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, getting into the
work
 market at an early age will bring numerous benefits for
teenagers
 whether they
work
 a part-time job or have a short period
training
Change preposition
of training
show examples
,
moreover
, they will learn basic rules of
work
such
 as discipline and punctuality.
For example
, In Egypt, some banks offer seasonal part-time
jobs
 for youth, and these
jobs
 are well-paid,
furthermore
, the Interns who will complete the training duration will be able to apply for permanent
jobs
 after their graduation.
Hence
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition among
teeangers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
, they do not consider taking
rest
 after school
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
, but seek an opportunity to secure their future.
On the other hand
, others would advocate
teenagers
' right to
rest
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 gaining
work
 experience is a primary element of success,
teenagers
 should take a sufficient amount of
rest
 after school commitments, if they do not refresh their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and enjoy their time without extra activities
such
 as part-time
jobs
, they will not be able to concentrate or maintain a clear mind to proceed their education journey.
For instance
, some researchers say that the best age for creativity is the early age between twenty and thirty years old.
Therefore
, they should practice their hobbies in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 vacation time
instead
 of going to
work
. In conclusion,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
this
 trend brings several benefits to
teenagers
,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
 will not outweigh the drawbacks, I do not agree that they should sacrifice their
rest
 after school activities.
Submitted by abdoo.magicoo on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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