Governments should fund scientific research rather than commercial organizations. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

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It is often argued that investing in scientific progress is more beneficial than funding business industries . In my opinion, governments should play a crucial role in scientific progress,
while
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contributions from private companies should
also
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be included for the better fulfilment of societal demands. On the one hand, scientific researchers help society to figure out existing problems which have a direct impact on human beings and their surroundings .
In other words
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, if the authority invests more in science, it will undoubtedly promote social development
thus
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bringing benefits to all.
For example
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, few individuals can afford space exploration, which cannot only have the potential to gain wealth for the country but
seek
Rephrase
also seek

There may be an adverb issue here.

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out a new way for humans to achieve sustainable development.
As a result
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, governments should be the major determiner in funding the project.
Furthermore
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, under no circumstance should a government shirk the responsibility to offer financial support for scientific explorations, because it is the best way to keep an edge in national competence.
On the other hand
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, all interested parties should be involved in scientific developments, thereby individual factors,
such
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as private enterprises and individuals, should
also
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play a part, joining hands with governmental organizations to make significant achievements.
For instance
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, the vaccine for
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19

The word Covid-19 doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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was developed by not only state-owned corporations but private ones, say, Moderna and Pfizer, which, as a whole, have made an effort to save as many lives as they can, protecting us from lethal diseases.
In addition
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, progress in science may be accelerated through individual efforts, which is simply because individual researchers are driven by profit,
thus
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sparing no pains to
make
Verb problem
fulfil

There may be a verb use issue here.

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goals
fulfilled
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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.
By contrast
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, more time and effort would be spent on government-controlled projects
due to
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bureaucratic red tape. In conclusion, the public and private sectors should make contributions to scientific research, both of which are key motivators.

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task response
Ensure that all arguments are directly linked to the prompt and clearly address the question. Make sure to provide a clear stance from the beginning and maintain a consistent focus on the topic throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the overall flow of ideas by using more transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the different parts of the essay. Additionally, consider restructuring some sentences for better clarity and coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • societal benefit
  • sustainable energy
  • equitable distribution
  • financial returns
  • bias and manipulation
  • integrity
  • large-scale projects
  • space exploration
  • accessible
  • transparency
  • public education
  • commercial secret
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