Some people think that schools should give prizes for academic successes. Others argue that it is more important for schools to give prizes for other achievements (for example, for sports, music and behaviour). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Several parents have suggested that
prizes
should be awarded for academic success,
while
others disagree, arguing that
prizes
should be given to other
achievements
instead
. I will
further
discuss these views below and formulate my personal judgement on the matter.
To begin
with, those who think that schools should give
prizes
for academic success are correct.
However
, those who oppose
this
idea in favour of other school
achievements
, are
also
not wrong. As a student, the honour of being ranked as the highest in their class or school is no mere "walk in the park". Achieving
such
status takes a huge amount of commitment and hard work. It shows that the students are determined to strive in their studies. In my opinion, It does not matter which
achievements
are more important, they are all equally demanding. My suggestion would be to combine the two thoughts into one
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and give
prizes
to both academic and miscellaneous school
achievements
. The act of only rewarding a certain group of achievers would be a negative message for all the other students who had poured all their hard work into their studies, labelling their hardship as in vain. In conclusion, both
achievements
equally require hard work, dedication and determination. It is only right that successes are to be met with rewards, no matter the varying differences in both lanes.
Submitted by havu06 on

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    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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