Some people think parents should supervise their children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom.

While
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it is commonly thought
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parents
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that parents
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are responsible for supervising
children
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during play, others believe that we should let them freely explore. I’m going to discuss these opposing points of view. In my opinion,
children
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must be controlled
while
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playing. On the one hand, it is argued that
children
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should be observed
while
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playing at all times. The main reason is that
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children’s
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health is the most important. It is
also
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possible to say that
parents
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could approach their
children
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as soon as
recognise
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they recognise
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things to happen.
For instance
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,
parents
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must keep an eye on their
children
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when they play on the
playground
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playground,
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as they could get injuries at any time. Another reason is that
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children’s
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well-being
also
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plays a crucial role in their lives.
For example
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, through watching
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children’s
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plays,
parents
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are able to recognise their strengths and weaknesses, which can create an appropriate environment for them to learn and develop.
On the other hand
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, it is strongly believed by others that
children
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have the right to freely explore. People often have
this
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opinion because they would like to assist their
children
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in building autonomy. A second point is that free play could help
children
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build confidence and develop a sense of respect.
For example
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,
children
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must have an opportunity to choose what they would love to play and learn. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that supervising
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children’s
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activities is one of the serious issues that
parents
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must care about; meanwhile, others assume that
children
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can play without the observation of adults. Personally, I tend to believe that checking on
children
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when they play is significantly crucial.

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task response
Make your main idea clear in the first paragraph and keep to it.
coherence
Add more strong examples and explain how they link to your point to show why your view is right.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors and wrong phrases to make sense easier.
style
Use short, simple sentences and avoid long, complicated phrases.
tone
Cut words that plan the essay, like 'I’m going to discuss' and start with your view.
structure
The essay shows two sides with clear 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
content
There is a conclusion that restates your view.
content
There is an attempt to give examples, like playground injuries.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • watch
  • guide
  • limit
  • allow
  • freedom
  • safety
  • risk
  • trust
  • rule
  • choice
  • decision
  • child
  • parent
  • home
  • school
  • time
  • study
  • help
  • grow
  • plan
  • talk
  • listen
  • explain
  • reason
  • calm
  • respect
  • mature
  • age
  • family
  • future
  • example
  • balance
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