IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
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It is commonly seen that there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 educational inequalities regarding
gender
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 repartition. As a solution, it is suggested that all subjects in educational institutions should have an equal number of male and female students. I personally disagree with
this
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proposa
Correct your spelling
proposal
 since I feel as
it
Correct word choice
if it
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 is improper and unfair. On the one hand, selecting students only on the basis of their
gender
Use synonyms
 is improper. Admission decisions should be based on applications, rather than genetic identity.
This
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 attitude can be seen as
gender
Use synonyms
 identification. It is
also
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 a way to force certain majors, more popular among specific genders, to
diverse
Replace the word
diversify
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 themselves even if they do not have the means to do so.
For instance
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, girls are more inclined to select majors like dance and nursing than boys.
Therefore
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, it is unrealistic to expect an equal number of males and females to be enrolled in these colleges.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 approach
also
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 goes against the principle of equality. The recruitment process should prioritize candidates' abilities, merits, and interests
instead
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 of their
gender
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. Focusing solely on
gender
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 would lead to the exclusion of individuals who possess genuine aptitudes.
Such
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 inequality and the loss of talented people would have a detrimental impact on the academic potential of a school as a whole.
For instance
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, a female applicant is rejected solely as their enrollment restriction, in which they pursue an absolute balance between genders.
Such
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 a claim would give rise to unfairness in society.
To conclude
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, I believe that selecting students based on their
gender
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 is not appropriate. We
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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ought to consider various factors when admitting undergraduates,
such
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 as their academic performance, achievements and social experiences.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, main body, and conclusion sections to serve the reader with recognisable progression through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with clear, relevant examples, and fully expand on these examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay requires a complete response to the question without digression. Make sure each paragraph sticks to the topic and the arguments are fully explored and relevant to the task prompt.
task achievement
To demonstrate a clear and comprehensive understanding of the topic, use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to effectively communicate your argument and include contrasting viewpoints when necessary.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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