IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is commonly seen that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 educational inequalities regarding
gender
Use synonyms
 repartition. As a solution, it is suggested that all subjects in educational institutions should have an equal number of male and female students. I personally disagree with
this
Linking Words
proposa
Correct your spelling
proposal
 since I feel as
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 is improper and unfair. On the one hand, selecting students only on the basis of their
gender
Use synonyms
 is improper. Admission decisions should be based on applications, rather than genetic identity.
This
Linking Words
 attitude can be seen as
gender
Use synonyms
 identification. It is
also
Linking Words
 a way to force certain majors, more popular among specific genders, to
diverse
Replace the word
diversify
show examples
 themselves even if they do not have the means to do so.
For instance
Linking Words
, girls are more inclined to select majors like dance and nursing than boys.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is unrealistic to expect an equal number of males and females to be enrolled in these colleges.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 approach
also
Linking Words
 goes against the principle of equality. The recruitment process should prioritize candidates' abilities, merits, and interests
instead
Linking Words
 of their
gender
Use synonyms
. Focusing solely on
gender
Use synonyms
 would lead to the exclusion of individuals who possess genuine aptitudes.
Such
Linking Words
 inequality and the loss of talented people would have a detrimental impact on the academic potential of a school as a whole.
For instance
Linking Words
, a female applicant is rejected solely as their enrollment restriction, in which they pursue an absolute balance between genders.
Such
Linking Words
 a claim would give rise to unfairness in society.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that selecting students based on their
gender
Use synonyms
 is not appropriate. We
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
ought to consider various factors when admitting undergraduates,
such
Linking Words
 as their academic performance, achievements and social experiences.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, main body, and conclusion sections to serve the reader with recognisable progression through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with clear, relevant examples, and fully expand on these examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay requires a complete response to the question without digression. Make sure each paragraph sticks to the topic and the arguments are fully explored and relevant to the task prompt.
task achievement
To demonstrate a clear and comprehensive understanding of the topic, use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to effectively communicate your argument and include contrasting viewpoints when necessary.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: