IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

One common area of debate among employees is to become satisfied with unpleasant conditions and low incomes.Despite
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of being non-ambitious as make less stress and anxiety throughout
life
Use synonyms
,I am of the opinion that individuals ought to try diligently to change the unsatisfactory way in order to achieve their goals and lives which they deserve. Changes are always becoming with challenges and stresses and overthinking which are principles
Use synonyms
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
. To wrestle with these challenges so as to have high levels in society ,people should sacrifice their mental and physical convenience.
For instance
Linking Words
, a youngster who opts for teaching in School with
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 salary despite his inner demand to be a photographer.He chooses
this
Linking Words
 career since its social status and sustainable salary and always
slip
Correct subject-verb agreement
slips
show examples
 with dreams of being a photographer.Changing his job requires going toward his fears and taking some risks,thereby not being in proper economical conditions for months.
Finally
Linking Words
,he may choose to be a teacher and be calm and peaceful
instead
Linking Words
 of taking risks.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some people sacrifice their momentary mental peace for long-lasting goals which may bring them more mental happiness in their future activity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , everyone who is brave enough to change unsatisfactory conditions like
complaint
Add an article
a complaint
show examples
 against
unfair
Add an article
the unfair
an unfair
show examples
 situation in
Add an article
the work
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 or
switch
Wrong verb form
switching
show examples
 Career
patters
Correct your spelling
patterns
show examples
 toward their passion,are conscious of
this
Linking Words
 way’s anxieties and mental pressures.
However
Linking Words
,these people become to the consideration that they should face with their fear to pave
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 way for the lifestyle they deserve and proper career income.The most salient example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement was Martin Luther King,who decided to transfer
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 black individual's
life
Use synonyms
 after protesting against laws
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
enforced all around the USA.From my personal perspective, individuals should always advocate their rights, and become a bit ambitious to maintain qualified
life
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I stick to the idea that individuals who support being quiet against unsatisfactory Situations
rely
Wrong verb form
relying
show examples
 on
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 mental benefits ,would become under oppression.
Therefore
Linking Words
,being brave and liberal to advocate your attitude is likely to be far ideal for
progressig
Correct your spelling
progressive
 communities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: