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Band 7.5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
There is no doubt that gender distribution is unbalanced in many occupations, so I agree that some jobs are more suitable for males than for
females
 and vice versa. The capability of
men
 clearly outnumbers that of women in some fields
such
 as manufacturing, mining, logging, etc. A lot of physically demanding tasks need to be done and assuredly,
men
 can perform better than their female counterparts in doing heavy manual labour. They
also
 play a dominant role in some sectors that involve a great deal of fighting and violence like the police and army. With
men
 at the forefront facing criminals and enemies, female officers are expected to stay away from the crime scenes and battlefields, where intense fighting and cruel killing are common. There are
also
 some female-dominated professions in which
females
 represent the majority and make greater contributions. The feminine traits
such
 as gentleness, patience and meticulousness give them an edge in nursing, teaching, clerking, etc. When taking care of the elderly, educating children and dealing with numbers,
females
 usually outperform their male counterparts. Despite what has been discussed above, we should no longer exclude males or
females
 from certain professions which is simply because of their gender. As the automation of machines and weapons has reached a high level, women can excel in the factory or in the army.
Similarly
,
men
 are encouraged to be kindergarten teachers so that they can help boys develop masculinity from a young age.
To conclude
, there should be no gender discrimination in the workplace or stereotype in judging a person’s choice of career, but an undeniable fact is that, generally, both genders have different qualities, which make them fit certain jobs.
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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear viewpoint. However, the response lacks depth and could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the topic, considering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Coherence & Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with well-developed paragraphs that present coherent ideas. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the organization of the essay could be improved to enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
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