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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, government should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#illness #death #world #interest #health #government #ban #cigarettes #tobacco #products
In
this
 cutting-edge era, smoking is a pressing cause of serious ailments and death around the world today.
For improving
Change preposition
To improve
show examples
 the
health
 of the public, the authorities ought to prohibit
cigarettes
 and other drugs. I totally agree with
this
 notion.
This
 essay will discuss my opinion precisely in the subsequent paragraphs. To embark with, there are a number of reasons why forbidding
cigarettes
 and other tobacco items should be banned by the administrations would be useful in order to improve
individual's
Change noun form
individual
show examples
health
. The predominant one is that if the regime
ban
Wrong verb form
banned
show examples
cigarettes
 and other drugs
then
 people would not
do smoking
Wrong verb form
smoke
show examples
. Smoking is not good for their
health
 but they are addicted to smoke. Forbidding
cigarettes
 would be helpful to get rid of
cigarettes
. In Vietnam,
for instance
, 78% of people are addicted to
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
 and they cause serious illnesses
such
 as cancer, heart ailments and so on. Which
put
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a vast impact on their
children
.
Moreover
, whenever any parent
does smoking and
Wrong verb form
smokes
show examples
children
also
 prefer to
do smoking
Wrong verb form
smoke
show examples
.
This
 would not be good for people. The regime should ban drugs so
children
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 live healthy lifestyles. There are numerous masses who are addicted to
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
 and they earn in their daily routine they always spend for buying
cigarettes
 and other tobacco products. As they would not be able to attain success in their life and cannot make a bright future for their little ones. A survey conducted by the education system revealed that 76% of
children
 were not able to get an education as their parents always spent money on
cigarettes
instead
 of providing education to them. In conclusion, smoking is not good for human
health
 so banning
cigarettes
 by the authorities would be worthwhile in order to improve the living style of humans.
Submitted by MANJOT on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack depth and clarity. The essay could benefit from a more comprehensive introduction and a stronger conclusion to summarize the main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents relevant ideas, but the response lacks depth and comprehensive analysis. The arguments could be further developed to provide a more complete and well-rounded response to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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