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Writing Samples
Band 5

What are the advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live or study abroad

#country #study
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Nowadays, more and more
people
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 choose to study abroad and emigrate to other
countries
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. There are both pros and cons. I’ll discuss them in the following paragraphs. Going to another
country
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 to earn a living or pursue a degree has various benefits.
Firstly
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,
people
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 from developing
countries
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 can go to developed
countries
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 to acquire higher-quality education.
For example
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, nowadays, the US has students worldwide because of its well-known academic institutions.
Secondly
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,
people
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 can find higher salaries in developed
countries
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, and their professionals are more valuable in other
countries
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. Software engineers,
for example
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, can earn more than three times their salary in the US than in my
country
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, Taiwan.
Finally
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, individuals can expand their horizons and insights by living abroad because they will encounter different cultures and need to leave their comfort zone.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks to moving to another
country
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.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 who study or work in other
countries
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 usually go through nostalgia and sacrifice their original relationships.
For example
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, many of my
friends
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 who successfully find a decent job in the US tend to have fewer
friends
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 in my
country
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 because their
life
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lives
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 and
experience
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experiences
show examples
 have been different.
Also
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, they don’t have enough time to meet with their old
friends
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, or it is more difficult for them to have a long holiday to return to their native
country
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.
Furthermore
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,
due to
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 cultural differences and language barriers, most
people
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 cannot make
friends
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 with foreigners overseas as quickly as with
people
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 of the same nationality. In conclusion, as mentioned above,
although
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 geographical migration has become more and more popular, there are still positives and negatives. It is hard to say whether there are pros over cons.
Submitted by victorhu3022 on

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task response
In your essay, you have addressed the advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live or study abroad. However, your response lacks depth and could benefit from more detailed examples and analysis. It's important to fully develop your points and provide a well-rounded discussion of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure of your essay could be improved by organizing your main points more effectively. Additionally, the supporting details for each point should be more fully developed for a more cohesive and coherent essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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