IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

What are the advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live or study abroad

#country #study
Nowadays, more and more
people
 choose to study abroad and emigrate to other
countries
. There are both pros and cons. I’ll discuss them in the following paragraphs. Going to another
country
 to earn a living or pursue a degree has various benefits.
Firstly
,
people
 from developing
countries
 can go to developed
countries
 to acquire higher-quality education.
For example
, nowadays, the US has students worldwide because of its well-known academic institutions.
Secondly
,
people
 can find higher salaries in developed
countries
, and their professionals are more valuable in other
countries
. Software engineers,
for example
, can earn more than three times their salary in the US than in my
country
, Taiwan.
Finally
, individuals can expand their horizons and insights by living abroad because they will encounter different cultures and need to leave their comfort zone.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 some drawbacks to moving to another
country
.
To begin
 with,
people
 who study or work in other
countries
 usually go through nostalgia and sacrifice their original relationships.
For example
, many of my
friends
 who successfully find a decent job in the US tend to have fewer
friends
 in my
country
 because their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 have been different.
Also
, they don’t have enough time to meet with their old
friends
, or it is more difficult for them to have a long holiday to return to their native
country
.
Furthermore
,
due to
 cultural differences and language barriers, most
people
 cannot make
friends
 with foreigners overseas as quickly as with
people
 of the same nationality. In conclusion, as mentioned above,
although
 geographical migration has become more and more popular, there are still positives and negatives. It is hard to say whether there are pros over cons.
Submitted by victorhu3022 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
In your essay, you have addressed the advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live or study abroad. However, your response lacks depth and could benefit from more detailed examples and analysis. It's important to fully develop your points and provide a well-rounded discussion of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure of your essay could be improved by organizing your main points more effectively. Additionally, the supporting details for each point should be more fully developed for a more cohesive and coherent essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: