IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.  Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.  Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
#people #car #transportation #overreliance #cars
Private
cars
 have been in
use
 for decades as
people
’s means of transportation
instead
 of public
transport
such
 as
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
,
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
, and
taxi
Fix the agreement mistake
taxis
show examples
.
Such
 habit has contributed to some problems
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
show examples
 including the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
fuel
use
,
air
pollution
, and traffic jam. The increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
fuel
use
 can give rise to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more
fuel
 produced by exploiting dead fossil remains under the sea which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 called
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non-renewable
energy
.
Such
energy
 will vanish in the coming future if more and more explorations are conducted. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non-renewable
energy
 disappears,
people
 can neither drive their
cars
 nor
use
 public
transport
 for daily
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
.
Therefore
,
people
 should lessen the
use
 of private
cars
, and shift their habit to using public
transport
instead
private
Change preposition
of private
show examples
 vehicles to save more
fuel
 as the non-renewable
energy
 on earth.
Air
pollution
 has
also
 become one of the effects of using private
cars
 because the more vehicles are used, the more
pollution
 they cause. When
people
 drive their own
cars
, it certainly produces more carbon dioxide
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
air
 going up
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the atmosphere resulting in the increasing
tempearature
Correct your spelling
temperature
temperatures
 on the earth. The hotter the earth, the more uncomfortable
people
 live.
As a consequence
,
people
 had better
use
 public
transport
 to decrease the number of
air
pollution
 in the atmosphere. The next problem caused by the overreliance
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 private
cars
 is traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
. It is one of the disturbing
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
 of
people
’s daily lives as it sticks drivers on the street for quite a long time making workers or students come late to work or
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 and
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 to more
air
pollution
 as well.
As a result
, public
transport
 can be a solution to
this
 problem. In summary,
people
 need to decrease their overreliance
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 private
cars
 and shift to using public
transport
 for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 environment.
Healthy
Correct article usage
A healthy
show examples
 environment contributes to
people
’s healthy lives.
Hence
, considering the problems caused by private
cars
,
people
 had better start using public
transport
 as their daily accommodation.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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