Fresh water has always been a limited resources in some part of the world today, however, growing world wide demand had made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increase demand and what measures can government and individuals take to respond to this problem.

Access to clean
water
has always been limited somewhere throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history. At present, it has become a global concern
due to
increasing demand. The reasons behind
such
a concern are an evergrowing population and an immense pollution of
water
sources. Regarding
this
problem, I believe, both the government and individuals can take actions like suspending activities of companies that contaminate waters or minimizing wasted fresh
water
as an individual. As the
people
on Earth
grows
Correct subject-verb agreement
grow
show examples
each day, the needed amount of
water
increases correspondingly. Since modern
people
live longer than their ancestors, number of
people
grows exponentially.
For example
, nowadays the population grows by a billion faster than ever, reaching eight billion
people
in just 9 years.
Besides
, the capitalism present in almost any country today has made a lot of
party
Change to a plural noun
parties
show examples
choose profit, rather than saving the environment.
That is
because draining their dangerous chemicals in rivers or seawater is a lot cheaper than properly managing their waste.
In particular
, industrial
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
working with oils and chemicals are more
probable
Correct word choice
likely
show examples
to pollute nearby drink sources.
Although
we cannot stop the population from growing, it is our duty to save the environment for future generations.
Hence
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
governments should start actively punishing corporations with high
water
polluting indexes. Suspending their activities might be a better choice than fining them, as the latter may not solve the problem.
Furthermore
, even individuals can make a positive impact on
this
situation by minimizing their day-to-day wasted rain. A recent study found that the average person uses up to one hundred and fifty litres of clean
water
every day when in reality they only need thirty. Promoting and following a lifestyle of no waste is feasible and, I think, will have a huge effect in the long run. In conclusion, the lack of access to
freshwater
Correct your spelling
fresh water
show examples
is a consequence of an increasing populace and
water
sources contaminated by big companies' garbage. Albeit, in my way of thinking, the government's proper control of
such
corporations' activities and individuals following a
water
-saving lifestyle can help us deal with
water
shortage.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the causes of the increase in demand for fresh water and proposes measures that government and individuals can take to respond to the problem. However, the essay lacks a clear thesis statement and the conclusion is weak.
coherence and cohesion
The essay shows a reasonable logical structure with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. However, the conclusion is minimal and the connection between ideas in some sentences could be improved for better coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite resource
  • water scarcity
  • irrigation
  • sanitation
  • contamination
  • industrial processes
  • sustainable practices
  • water conservation
  • desalination
  • renewable water sources
  • transboundary water management
  • water-efficient technologies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: