The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

#bar #show #prevalence #obesity #boys #girls #years #ethnicity #states

The two bar

chart

Fix the agreement mistake

charts

show examples

gives

Correct subject-verb agreement

give

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data about the prevalence of

obesity

in 2004 and 2014 by ethnicity between 12-19 ages among

boys

and

girls

Overall

it is clear that

the percentage of

obese

Replace the word

obesity

show examples

increased by 2014, with Hispanic

boys

and

Non-Hispanic

Correct your spelling

non-Hispanic

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Black

girls

being the most at risk. In

boys

, the

obesity

figure

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figures

show examples

in 2004 were similar for all three ethnicities. Providing results like

Change preposition

apply

show examples

12, 11 and 13 per cent for

Non-Hispanic

white,

Non-Hispanic

black and Hispanic respectively. In 2014, these

datas

Correct your spelling

data

rose up to 17, 20,

Correct word choice

and 27for

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27for

Correct your spelling

27 for

the same ethnicities. All these figures

significantly

Add a missing verb

are significantly

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higher than compared to 2004, especially the

last

, with over a quarter of

this

ethic

Correct your spelling

ethnic

show examples

group being classed as obese. In

girls

obesity

figures for 2004 were almost

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

boys

for

Non-Hispanic

White and Hispanic, at 9 and 12

percents

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percent

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Non-Hispanic

black

figure

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figures

show examples

was

Correct subject-verb agreement

were

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prone to

obesity

by providing 16 per

cents

Fix the agreement mistake

cent

show examples

. In 2014, identical two figures rose up to 5 per

cents

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cent

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and remained less than their male

counerparts

Correct your spelling

counterparts

Non-Hispanic

Black

girls

rose up to 29

percents

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percent

show examples

, making it

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the highest figure in both charts.

Submitted by dnm.best on Fri Jul 21 2023

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Vocabulary: Replace the words obesity, boys, girls, non-hispanic with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 6 times.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

184 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

prevalence
obesity
ethnicity
impact
bar charts
data
represent
studying
rates
significant
differences
highest
lowest
compare
trend
experienced
changes
over 10-year period
highlight
variations
notable
summarize
findings
implications
adolescents
addressing

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The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many graduates want to start their first job in a big corporation. Many others prefer to work for a small company first. What are the different advantages in each decision?

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Some people feel that global warming should be dealt with by governments. Others feel that it is responsibility of individuals in society to solve the problem. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Today, some food travels thousands of miles from farms to consumers. Some people think that it would be better to our environment and economy if people only eat locally produced food. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Some people believe that zoos where animals are kept in a man-made environment should no longer exist in the 21st century. To what extent do you agree or disagree?