The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The two bar

chart

Fix the agreement mistake

charts

show examples

gives

Correct subject-verb agreement

give

show examples

data about the prevalence of

obesity

Use synonyms

in 2004 and 2014 by ethnicity between 12-19 ages among

boys

Use synonyms

and

girls

Use synonyms

Overall

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

the percentage of

obese

Replace the word

obesity

show examples

increased by 2014, with Hispanic

boys

Use synonyms

and

Use synonyms

Non-Hispanic

Correct your spelling

non-Hispanic

show examples

Black

girls

Use synonyms

being the most at risk. In

boys

Use synonyms

, the

obesity

Use synonyms

figure

Fix the agreement mistake

figures

show examples

in 2004 were similar for all three ethnicities. Providing results like

Change preposition

apply

show examples

12, 11 and 13 per cent for

Non-Hispanic

Use synonyms

white,

Non-Hispanic

Use synonyms

black and Hispanic respectively. In 2014, these

datas

Correct your spelling

data

rose up to 17, 20,

Correct word choice

and 27for

show examples

27for

Correct your spelling

27 for

the same ethnicities. All these figures

significantly

Add a missing verb

are significantly

show examples

higher than compared to 2004, especially the

last

Linking Words

, with over a quarter of

this

Linking Words

ethic

Correct your spelling

ethnic

show examples

group being classed as obese. In

girls

Use synonyms

obesity

Use synonyms

figures for 2004 were almost

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

boys

Use synonyms

for

Non-Hispanic

Use synonyms

White and Hispanic, at 9 and 12

percents

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

Non-Hispanic

Use synonyms

black

figure

Fix the agreement mistake

figures

show examples

was

Correct subject-verb agreement

were

show examples

prone to

obesity

Use synonyms

by providing 16 per

cents

Fix the agreement mistake

cent

show examples

. In 2014, identical two figures rose up to 5 per

cents

Fix the agreement mistake

cent

show examples

and remained less than their male

counerparts

Correct your spelling

counterparts

Non-Hispanic

Use synonyms

Black

girls

Use synonyms

rose up to 29

percents

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

, making it

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the highest figure in both charts.

dnm.bestFri Jul 21 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words obesity, boys, girls, non-hispanic with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 6 times.

▼

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

184 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

prevalence
obesity
ethnicity
impact
bar charts
data
represent
studying
rates
significant
differences
highest
lowest
compare
trend
experienced
changes
over 10-year period
highlight
variations
notable
summarize
findings
implications
adolescents
addressing

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree.
Education is a part and parcel of children's lives, whether curriculum or extracurricular. Several people believe that in the modern world, children should avoid art and music to put all their focus on scientific subjects such as technology. From my perspective, I can't entirely agree with this belief since there are individual differences among children. Many people are talented in arts, music, sports, and so on; however, people, particularly children, need to express their energy with something far away from school subjects. This essay will exhibit the reasons behind this phenomenon.
7
band
It is often thought that an increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. To what extent do you agree or disasgree ?
It is often said that violence in the media relates to an increase in youth crime. This writer agrees with this statement because the various kinds of violent news are hard to control and it is hard to release how they affect people.
6
band
Some people think that children are having too much free time and this time should be used to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement
Many people believe that children have so much spare time that they can utilize for their academic study. I partially agree with the notion. In my opinion, spending their free time could be beneficial for their study however it also can increase the burden on individuals.
6.5
band
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In the modern world, population is the biggest problem all around the world, so it has a variety of effects on society that could have both negative and positive sides. I reckon that a crucial number of people who live in the countryside are moving to the city side; therefore, that means the city side is increasing. I absolutely concur with the people who live on the city side for several reasons.
6.5
band
some people believe that studying at university or college is the best rout to a successful career, while other believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is becoming extremely challenging for young individuals to decide what career they want to choose straight after school. Consequently, some argue that universities and colleges should be necessary to complete, so that young individuals can develop their professional skills and get ready to build a successful life. I strongly agree with this statement, because schools provide individuals just with basic knowledge which has to be improved further through higher institutions.

The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree.

It is often thought that an increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. To what extent do you agree or disasgree ?

Some people think that children are having too much free time and this time should be used to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

some people believe that studying at university or college is the best rout to a successful career, while other believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.