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Band 6.5

The graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, countries that have adopted global appraoach to business and countries that have not.

The graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, countries that have adopted global appraoach to business and countries that have not.
#growth #products #countries #appraoach #business
The bar chart illustrates the average
increase
 in
GDP
 in wealthy
countries
.The average
increase
 in
GDP
 in rich
countries
 adapting. Globalisers had by far the biggest growth in
GDP
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the wealthy
countries
 experienced
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 decrease in
GDP
. Growth rates of
Non-globalisers
Correct your spelling
Non-globalised
 fluctuate. There was over 4%
percent
GDP
Change preposition
of GDP
show examples
 in wealthy
countries
 in 1960. But,the percentage of
GDP
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined significantly to 2% from 1970 to 1990. From 1960 to 1970,there was over 1%
percent
GDP
,
increased
Correct pronoun usage
which increased
show examples
 to almost 3% in Globalisers. After 10 years, the proportion of
GDP
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
risen
 noticeably to over 3%. There was a significant
increase
 in the percentage of
GDP
 in Globalisers from 1980 to 1990. There was
noticeable
Add an article
a noticeable
show examples
increase
 in the proportion of
GDP
 from over 2%to 3%
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
Non-globalisers
Correct your spelling
Non-globalised
 between 1960 and 1970. After 10 years, the percentage of
GDP
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined significantly to under 1%
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
Non-globalisers
Correct your spelling
Non-globalised
.
Finally
, there was under 1%
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
GDP
 increased slightly to over 1% in
Non-globalisers
Correct your spelling
Non-globalised
 from 1980 to 1990.
Submitted by islomov1229 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words increase, gdp, countries, non-globalisers, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 4 times.
▼

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