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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, countries that have adopted global appraoach to business and countries that have not.

The graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, countries that have adopted global appraoach to business and countries that have not.
#growth #products #countries #appraoach #business
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The bar chart illustrates the average
increase
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 in
GDP
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 in wealthy
countries
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.The average
increase
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 in
GDP
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 in rich
countries
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 adapting. Globalisers had by far the biggest growth in
GDP
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.
While
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,
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apply
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the wealthy
countries
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 experienced
significant
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a significant
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 decrease in
GDP
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. Growth rates of
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Non-globalisers
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Non-globalised
 fluctuate. There was over 4%
percent
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GDP
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of GDP
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 in wealthy
countries
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 in 1960. But,the percentage of
GDP
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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declined significantly to 2% from 1970 to 1990. From 1960 to 1970,there was over 1%
percent
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GDP
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,
increased
Correct pronoun usage
which increased
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 to almost 3% in Globalisers. After 10 years, the proportion of
GDP
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were
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was
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rised
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raised
rose
risen
 noticeably to over 3%. There was a significant
increase
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 in the percentage of
GDP
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 in Globalisers from 1980 to 1990. There was
noticeable
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a noticeable
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increase
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 in the proportion of
GDP
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 from over 2%to 3%
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percent
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per cent
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 in
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Non-globalisers
Correct your spelling
Non-globalised
 between 1960 and 1970. After 10 years, the percentage of
GDP
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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declined significantly to under 1%
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
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Non-globalisers
Correct your spelling
Non-globalised
.
Finally
Linking Words
, there was under 1%
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percent
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per cent
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GDP
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 increased slightly to over 1% in
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Non-globalisers
Correct your spelling
Non-globalised
 from 1980 to 1990.
Submitted by islomov1229 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words increase, gdp, countries, non-globalisers, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 4 times.
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