IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #purpose #schools #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
The role of
schools
 in shaping
individuals
 and
citizens
 is a subject of debate.
While
 some prioritize
molding
Change the spelling
moulding
show examples
 good
citizens
 and workers, a balanced approach must
also
 prioritize empowering
students
 as unique
individuals
.
Schools
 have a crucial responsibility in fostering good
citizens
. Through subjects like history and civics,
students
 learn about social responsibility, diversity, and global issues.
This
 cultivates a sense of civic duty, equipping them to become active participants in society.
However
, solely focusing on
this
 aspect can neglect the diverse needs and aspirations of
students
. Simultaneously,
schools
 must prioritize the development of
individuals
. Nurturing creativity, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence empowers
students
 to excel in various fields and make unique contributions to society. Extracurricular activities, arts, and personalized learning approaches can help discover their passions and talents, fostering self-confidence. In conclusion,
schools
 should strike a delicate balance between nurturing
individuals
 and fostering good
citizens
. By empowering
students
 as unique
individuals
, they can create a generation of proactive, empathetic
citizens
 who contribute positively to society,
thus
 achieving the dual purpose of education.
Submitted by shirley20000813 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • foundational knowledge
  • career success
  • economic contribution
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced education
  • community well-being
  • holistic education
  • academic and personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: