IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to leam how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that social
skills
Use synonyms
 are crucial for youngsters .
Thus
Linking Words
, guardians should motivate their offspring to use their free
time
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 in
organizing
Change the spelling
organising
show examples
 group activities .
However
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, a section of pupils believes that young people should
Verb problem
have
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a little
time
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 on their personal growth after the hectic schedule of studies. My take on
this
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 is
maintaining
Correct word choice
that maintaining
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 a balance between both learning is essential. Set the wheel in motion,
organizing
Change the spelling
organising
show examples
 group activities will teach numerous qualities
such
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 as
co-operations
Use the right word
cooperation
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 and caring for others' opinions. What is more important is the ability to work
together with
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 people of different attributes. All these
skills
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 are necessary to be a responsible member of society .
Therefore
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, it is recommended to teach these
skills
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 to children at an early age because the learned traits will remain with them throughout their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
On the other hand
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, students already
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 most of their
time
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 with their schoolmates , which gives them a chance to learn
socialization
Change the spelling
socialisation
show examples
 on a fairly daily basis. After the long hours of study and homework
load
Check wording
apply
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, only a few hours left for themselves. If children spend their free
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
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 themselves to embrace their personal interests . Because some
skills
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as music and other
skills
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 require a lot of practice
as well as
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 concentration.Apart from that, occupying free
time
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 on own helps to identify the unique strengths and passions
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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that are required for the
overall
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 development of a person. History shows several examples of introverted individuals who
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
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 out
a
Change preposition
with a
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great personality after spending personal space to polish their
skills
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. In conclusion, each person holds a different personality
,
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;
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some are
extroverts
Replace the word
extroverted
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 and others are
introverts
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
. Parents should not force their offspring to go out rather than stay home . As both aspects have their own traits ,so, children should decide how they would like to spend their free day.

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grammar
Fix many small grammar and word use errors that slow the flow.
structure
Some sentences are long and run on; break them to show ideas clearly.
coherence
Use clear link words to connect ideas; add smoother transitions.
content
Give more real examples to support points.
planning
Keep your opinion clear in the end and tie it to the intro.
content
The essay states both sides and has a personal view.
structure
There is an attempt to compare group work with self growth.
task response
Conclusion shows your view and that task is met.
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