IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #schools #money #computers #teachers #wages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 spent by
schools
Use synonyms
 on
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 or on
teacher
Use synonyms
's
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 is a subject that sparks some debates among groups of
people
Use synonyms
. as far as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am concerned
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 spent on
Use synonyms
teacher's
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers'
show examples
 income is as important as improving
school's
Correct article usage
the school's
show examples
 technological
facilities
Use synonyms
. nowadays, having access to
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 gadgets and technological tools is an undeniable and essential element of educational environments like universities, colleges and
schools
Use synonyms
. the school's budget can be allocated to different
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
 of fundamental needs.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 an educational environment,
schools
Use synonyms
 need to consider students' need
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as computers so it is vital to consider a portion of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 budget to answer
this
Linking Words
 demand.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 a result so many
people
Use synonyms
 think
schools
Use synonyms
 should consider more funds to answer the need of
student
Add an article
the student
show examples
 to up-to-date gadgets like computers because
this
Linking Words
 kind of gadgets helps students to learn better and faster by using technology and eternal sources of knowledge over the internet
as well as
Linking Words
 developing their abilities to get familiar with technology and its devices.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the most important step for
schools
Use synonyms
 to take is paying more
money
Use synonyms
 to their
teachers
Use synonyms
.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 a matter of fact, the amount of tutors' salary plays a pivotal role in their teaching quality and job satisfaction. a
teacher
Use synonyms
 worrying about debts and
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 would appear to be an absent-minded
teacher
Use synonyms
 who can not focus on teaching to children. regarding
this
Linking Words
, a group of
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it is more important to spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on
teachers
Use synonyms
' income which leads to more job satisfaction and higher education quality so children can be educated by better, healthy and focused
teachers
Use synonyms
. in conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think to make a space suitable for educating students, all of the aspects
such
Linking Words
 as
teachers
Use synonyms
' income and technological
facilities
Use synonyms
 should be considered equally. developing the environment
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 better
facilities
Use synonyms
 and paying attention to
range
Add an article
the range
a range
show examples
 of tutors'
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 both play vital roles in a high-quality education system so the total fund considered for each educational organization should be equally divided among all the basic and essential
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 of the named place. prioritizing each of
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 needs over the other one can lead to an imbalance and low-quality educational system.
Submitted by eemami14 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: