IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people today find it difficult to balance the demands of their work and personal life. What are the causes of this situation, and what can individuals and employers do to reduce the problem? You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In
this
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 modern era, the topic of
work
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-life balance has undeniably become a critical issue for the general public.
While
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 there is evidence that many
employees
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 find it is a challenge to balance the demands of their occupation and personal life.
This
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 essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of
this
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 major matter. On the one hand, it is essential to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
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 some obvious factors that result in
this
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 problem. There is a crucial aspect to consider is the increased workload that many people have to deal with. To illustrate, white-collar job
workers
Use synonyms
 are expected to stay longer and be available outside traditional working hours.
Moreover
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, people are always contactable
due to
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 the rise of communication tools, which facilitate the boss to contact their
employees
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.
In addition
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, with the labour market becoming increasingly competitive,
workers
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 are under pressure
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as
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, as
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 well as the fear of loss of promotion or redundancy.
On the other hand
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, solutions must be exposed to handle
this
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 issue. One of the most efficient solutions is
Use synonyms
workers
Correct word choice
that workers
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 ought to reach an arrangement with their employers about the
work
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 hours, helping people have a specific time to dedicate to their personal life.
Additionally
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, corporations could have some rewards to encourage
employees
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 to
work
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 more effectively
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as have a sense of recognition.
To sum up
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, in light of those considerations, the multitude of
work
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 that
workers
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 have to address and the high-pressure
work
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 atmosphere have resulted in the difficulty of having a
work
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-life balance.
Therefore
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,
employees
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 had better clarify the
work
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 time
as well as
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 the reward from the company.

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development
Add more clear details for each cause and each solution. Give a simple real example from life.
coherence
Use clear links to hold ideas. Start each paragraph with a clear idea sentence and use simple words like and, but, also to move on.
structure
The plan is clear with intro, body and end.
content
Some real ideas are used, like long hours and tools to stay in touch.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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