IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In the past, most people worked for small businesses, while more people now work for large businesses. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working for large businesses?

#people #businesses #work
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In the past, most
people
Use synonyms
 worked for small
businesses
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,
while
Linking Words
 more
people
Use synonyms
 now work for large
businesses
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. Let’s consider what are the advantages and disadvantages of working
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
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environment
Correct article usage
an environment
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.
On the other hand
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, one of the advantages that more
people
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 now work for large
businesses
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 is
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people’s
Change noun form
people
show examples
regular
Change the word
regularly
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 choose good reputations and qualities. Everyone
believe
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believes
show examples
 that working in large
businesses
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 will receive more attention from many
people
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 than working in small
businesses
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. That means workers' salaries will change markedly. In a similar case,
people
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in
Change preposition
apply
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all over the world prefer using Apple technology company to using other products.
However
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,
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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 work in big environments requires high skills
such
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creativity
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as creativity
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, responsibility and diligence. That means it is too difficult to get a higher position in big companies, worker must compete with each other to keep their jobs. They will have more pressure and
stressful
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stress
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. The competition between Coke and Pepsi is an excellent example of direct competition. Both companies offer similar products and they are competing for market share by adopting different marketing. On the whole, the problem has two main features, worker in a
bog
Correct your spelling
big
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 business can earn more money in which case it will be a challenging environment for them to compete and get
along with
Linking Words
 their colleagues.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introductory sentence that clearly states the topic and your position on it. Start your essay with a direct topic sentence that introduces the subject and provides insight into your stance on the matter.
supported main points
You need to develop your ideas more thoroughly. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea supported by examples or reasons. Ensure your examples are relevant to the question and well-elaborated.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion is incomplete and does not summarize the main points of the essay or clearly state your overall position. Make sure the conclusion ties in with the introduction and restates your stance in a summarizing manner.
complete response
Ensure that your essay addresses the task fully by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced manner. It seems that the essay is skewed more towards one aspect and does not comprehensively address the prompt.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should have clarity in terms of the idea it presents, and the essay should explore these ideas in depth.
relevant specific examples
Make sure to use specific, directly relevant examples to support the points you are making. The examples given in your essay are not effectively supporting your statements.
logical structure
Work on the structure and flow of the essay. It's essential the essay is organized with clear, logical progression from one idea to the next using a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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