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Band 5.5

Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
There is a public debate today
that
Change preposition
about
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 whether
children
 are allowed to make
mistakes
. Some people hold the view that they have the right to make
mistakes
while
 others are on the opposite side. In my opinion,
children
 have the freedom to make
mistakes
. Now there is a growing awareness that adults should take responsibility to prevent
children
 from making
mistakes
. That's true to some extent
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
children
 are too young to face the music which is brought about by the
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
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 they have made.
Children
 do not have enough ability to handle problems,
hence
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it is important for adults to help their
children
 before the
mistakes
 get worse. What is more, some serious
mistakes
such
 as breaking the law and committing crimes may cause damage to
children
 both physically and mentally, so adults are obliged to prevent
children
 from those serious illegal acts.
However
, I agree with those who think
children
 have the freedom to make
mistakes
. When talking about success, as the saying goes, 'failure is the mother of success'. It is
also
 vital for young
children
 to make
mistakes
 and learn from their failures. A child who
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 made
mistakes
 and learnt from experience will be stronger and more cautious than those who never make
mistakes
. So having the right to make
mistakes
 appropriately is allowed for
children
. In a nutshell, it is necessary for
children
 to have the freedom to make
mistakes
 appropriately, which has the advantage of exercising their resistance to frustration.
Also
, parents should not protect them too cautiously because they will grow up and face life by themselves alone. What parents need to do is grasp the general direction and avoid their
children
 hurting others or themselves.
Submitted by ysh424 on

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Task Response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives in detail and providing a clear opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating stronger connections between ideas and paragraphs to improve overall coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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